Let Go of Judgment of Others’ Choices
When we hear of a sexual choice that we would never engage in, why do we label it wrong? How many arguments have you been in, friendly or otherwise, that surrounded a sexual choice and its judgment? I talk with a lot of clients. That’d good. They usually apologize before they share a sexual choice with me during their reading. That’s bad.
Why, when our partner has different “tastes,” do most of us try to talk them out of or in to it? I like what Liam says about trying new things. Try… not marry. But most of us don’t like new things. And certainly not something new with our bodies. New things can be scary. People fear what they don’t understand, and they hate what they fear.
So I feel inclined to answer my own question. Why? What’s the big deal? I understand when it’s your relationship. That makes sense. But what about when it’s not your relationship? What if it’s really none of your business? Why judge and get all puffed up? Judgment. Criticism. My mother used to say to be careful who you point your finger at and why. She’d say to be mindful of the four fingers pointing back at you. Words to live by.
OK. So maybe we have become just a little more enlightened than in days gone by. Let’s say we’re becoming “ok” with sexual choices. So how do you know if you are enlightened when it comes to sexuality, and the choices and lifestyles that go with it? Glad you asked. How enlightened of you. Here’s one way to know. You take a test.
Please take out your number two pencil. Feet on the floor. Please answer honestly. Ready…?
1. Sister Wives. Take a moment—how do you feel? What are you thinking?
2. Gay Legal Marriage. Notice your body. Is your jaw tight? How does your tummy feel?
3. Sister Wives. Now this time imagine they have a celibate marriage. No sex of any kind. Take a moment. Now how do you feel?
4. Gay Legal Marriage. Marriage for the sake of health insurance and tax benefits only. No sex of any kind.
Be honest. How’s your jaw and tummy now?
It’s very possible that you no longer had an angry or judgmental feeling (same thing) when sex was taken out of the picture. Why did removing sex somehow make it “better?” I don’t want to explore the whys and the wheres. How about just the stops? How do we want people, friends and family to respond to our choices? This is your blueprint of how to respond to anyone else’s. We may not agree. We should understand. They don’t mean the same thing. Agree means “Cool, where do I sign up? Give me twenty to shower and shave my legs.” Understand means asking respectfully with and open mind. Then we decide if this is our cup of tea. Personally, I prefer chamomile.