Get Through to His Heart
Talking to a lampshade can get old, especially when its dimmer is set on low. Guys can be difficult to talk to for a number of reasons. For one, we don’t like to be cornered into a conversation. Two, men easily feel attacked during a discussion, especially when it involves accusations of being a failure at something. Three, our attention span is short, and we get overwhelmed quickly. Four, men prefer having a problem explained in a way that gives him a call to action. Five, despite how it appears; he hears what you are saying, and will be more likely to come through if you resist making your point repeatedly. Six, one of the biggest causes of his irrational behavior is feeling misunderstood. And finally, men need time to formulate their thoughts before speaking. Be warned, this can be counted in minutes, rather than seconds.
These seven tips cover how you can talk to your man and more easily get through to him.
1. Put Him in the Driver’s Seat
Men feel comfortable in the driver’s seat, as it makes them feel like they have some control. When you need to discuss something important with a guy, rather than jumping into the topic when it’s convenient for you, give him a brief (positive) explanation of what it’s about, and then give him the option of when he would like to talk about it. This gives him stake in the conversation before it starts, and also gives him time to prepare his mind to deal with the potential issues that may come up. Get personalized advice, contact a psychic today!
2. Starting with a Positive Increases Your Chances of Ending on One
In topics of the heart, it can be easy to let your emotions get the best of you, and jump right into the conversation with a zinger (“You’re cheating on me!”). Men are skittish about big conversations, and the only way to approach a difficult topic is to start as gently and constructively as possible.
3. Condense Your Thoughts Into Several Important Points
Emotional conversations can become bitter rambling, which frustrates guys, leaving them overwhelmed and on the defense. Studies show that guys become physically burned out during long conversations. It is not that his attention span is short, or that your words are being blurred into musical blips of Beethoven’s Fifth. He just has a relatively brief window, before becoming so exhausted with his feelings, that he has to shut down (stonewalling).
4. Give Him a Call to Action
Men dislike having a heart to heart with women, because from their standpoint, these are never very constructive. Women begin by identifying a problem with their relationship, and explain their feelings in more detail. The idea is, if he can empathize with how his actions are making her feel, then maybe he won’t do it anymore. The problem is, most guys don’t have the ability to figure out this emotional puzzle because they are too focused on listening for a solution. Give him a call to action as to what needs to be done in order to fix the problem. Just because an idea didn’t come from him, doesn’t make it any less sincere!
5. Say it Only Once
True leaders know that the best request is one that is focused, clear and said only once. When a phrase is repeated (nagging), it loses it effectiveness each time it rings through a man’s ears. Unless he needs a hearing aid, he heard you the first time. Tell him, once, and then leave it to his own good judgment to make the right decision. Think of that kid in every grocery store who is continuously screaming down every aisle, as his parents repeatedly drone, “stop,” around every corner. With each echoing request, the kid’s squeals of defiance just get louder and louder. Don’t be one of those parents.
6. Acknowledge His Feelings
This is a problem that crosses both genders. However, it can be extremely effective in getting a guy to move past his stubbornness, and see things from your perspective. The typical heated exchange between couples, is the woman gives her point; the man gives his; the woman repeats hers, and the man repeats his louder. A tactic used with irate customers is to resist the urge to get into a shouting match, listen to their problem, understand their point of view and acknowledge their feelings. When a man feels understood, he is more likely to stop repeating himself, and listen to what you have to say.
“Keep your partner happy by being happy yourself.” – Blythe ext. 5339
7. The Power of Silence
I’ve made this point before, but it’s worth mentioning again. Men have said more than their fair share of stupid things in their life, and believe me, we pay for them. After a couple of years we get smart, and learn to think through our answers very cautiously. There is something magical that happens once a woman has said her peace, and she waits in silence for his reply. First, he’ll wonder if she is really finished. Then, he’ll wait for her to get irritated, and start talking again. After what may seem like five minutes, he realizes she is waiting on his thoughts and has no other choice but to open up.
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