5 Ways to Ask for a Date

The biggest problem with asking someone out on a date is that not everybody is willing to take the risk. Women fall under this category almost exclusively, considering that surveys suggest a mere six percent have ever asked a guy out. What you may find even more interesting is that while most women are only moderately interested in every third guy who asks them, they have a 60 percent chance a guy will say yes, if they do the asking. On the guy’s side, he has a 40 percent chance a woman will accept his invitation, which is a big improvement over the zero percent chance he has if he does nothing. In other words, go for it! I’ll make it even easier by giving you five proven dating propositions, designed to work in any situation.

1. Direct Indifference (works well with a stranger or minimal acquaintance)—If you don’t know somebody, it’s best to approach them with a humorous pickup line or interesting trivia fact. By taking the time to come up with something creative and original, you’ll compliment them by putting effort into your approach. Begin very casual and non-threatening, offering a warm smile, calm speaking voice, and leaving plenty of space between the two of you (leaning away, rather than towards). After they’ve had a chance to become more comfortable, as noted by increased eye contact, relaxed stance, and possibly leaning in your direction, you can go ahead and suggest getting together. If the person never becomes relaxed, you can politely excuse yourself, and you’ve done nothing more than be friendly.

2. Indirect Suggestion (works with a stranger to a friend)—Indirectly asking someone on the date, can include smiling, flipping hair, locking eyes, etc. These are all great ways to give someone a hint you might be interested in a relationship, but some people just don’t take the hint. A better way, is to place the ball in their court, by making a comment about something you plan on doing, and when they respond with interest, you indirectly invite them along. This offers minimal risk, and can be done in just about any situation.

You: “Did you hear the zoo is showing off their new baby panda this weekend?”
Them: “No. That sounds cute.”
You: “Hey, why don’t you join me?”

3. Indirect Benefit (works with a stranger to a friend)—The indirect benefit proposition, allows you to disguise your motive to go on a date, within a mutually beneficial activity. This is a great to ask someone out if you are hesitant about the person agreeing to an official date.

You: “The new cafe on the corner has the best cheese and broccoli soup I’ve ever had.”
Them: “That sounds good. I’ll have to go sometime.”
You: “They might be changing their menu soon, so why don’t we go this afternoon? It’ll be my treat.”

4. Direct Empathy/Compatibility (works with a moderate acquaintance to a good friend)—One of the easiest ways to directly ask a person on a date is to demonstrate empathy and compatibility through one of their favorite hobbies or pastimes. People are very complimented when others take an interest in them, and there is no better way to break the ice on a first date, then getting to know them while learning about the things they are most passionate about.

You: “They are having a custom car show at the fairgrounds this weekend, and since you’ve mentioned you love old muscle cars, I thought you might like to go.”
Them: “Sure, that sounds fun.”

5. Direct Confident (works with a moderate acquaintance to a good friend)—It’s harder to say no to a date proposition when the person isn’t actually asking, but rather confronted them with an immediate opportunity. This is great for a confident person who suspects someone may be out of their league, but believes if that person would get to know their personality, they might have a better chance.

You: “I’ve got a crazy idea. Let’s take tango lessons tonight.”
Them: “What?”
You: “There’s a dance studio across the street giving lessons. I’ll meet you there at seven.”

Asking someone out is not always as easy and graceful as we’d like to hope. However, your approach can greatly increase your chance of success, depending on your personality, confidence level, and how well you know the person. Always keep in mind that your chances of getting a date are never better than doing the asking yourself!

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14 thoughts on “5 Ways to Ask for a Date

  1. Two Wolves

    Yesterday, I took a chance. I went to the pharmacy, 54 and disabled to pick up my meds. I have always looked forward to going in once and month and chatting with my pharmacist. As I turned to walk away, I suddenly said, why not in my head. I turned back around and said, Hey would you be interested in having coffee sometime? He said you know, I only drink coffee in the morning, I have to have the first thing when I wake up, I said back, I do too…so I turned to walk away, when all of sudden he says, Now if you’re talking margaritas thats a whole different story. I whipped around and said you got it…just say when. I walked out with a huge smile on my face, and thought, hmmmm…I might still have it afterall…peace, two wolves.

  2. Iris

    CholoPride: I wouldn’t hesitate too long if I were you. Some other more confident lady might come snag him up before your very eyes! But here’s a scenario for you to consider: One day (VERY SOON!) when you & he are sitting alone somewhere talking, just say something like: “Isn’t it great that our friendship has lasted so long, now that we’re all grown up?” Do this while looking sweetly into his eyes & smiling! When he agrees with you, take the opportunity to say “On that note, I’d like to get to know you better, why don’t we go out to… (name a place, an activity, or say spend the day together having fun!)” If he brings up the other friend who’s interested in you, say Politely: “I’m not interested in him, I want to get to know YOU! (Again, as sweetly, and shyly as possible, all while smiling, tilting your head slightly sideways & batting your eyelashes!) If he has ANY interest at all, he won’t be able to resist! Just be sure in advance that he doesn’t already have a main squeeze somewhere. (ASK!–never assume! before advancing your mission!) Go get ’em Girl! Good Luck!!!

  3. mb

    How about ladies asking out ladies. I was never able to ask out same or opposite sex. They have always asked me but now I think I may have missed some opportunities waiting around and saying yes to maybe the wrong person when I could have asked maybe the right person out myself. You won’t know if you don’t’ try. :). Good piece

  4. Lee

    Never would have imagined doing this, but at age 50+ I asked my 3rd grd boyfriend (we were then ages 8 & 9) if he would like to take a “walk in the park” with me? Fully expecting the ans to be “No.” I was pleasantly surprised when he said he would like to take that walk in the park with me! That was three years ago and he still asks me fondly, “why did you ask me for that walk in the park?” You never know what building and boosting your self-esteem can do for you when you take on the challenge of something you’ve wanted for almost forever!

  5. sasha

    me personally I hate rejection thats y I hate approaching a man..rejection frm a man nw tht hurts….I just will never know how that person is then..

  6. Judy

    Gosh, whatever happened to the good ole fashioned days when a gentleman asked a lady out. We would never think of being that “forward” way back when. And not even 100 yrs. ago — just about 40. How times have changed! I think men are a litte afraid of women today. Some are just too “outthere” for the men, especially when you get into your 50’s and 60’s!

  7. CholoPride

    Hey Eric,
    Thanks for the great tips!! Now I know That there is nothing wrong with a lady asking out a guy Like Gina said, But I want to ask out this one guy I have known him for 4 years he was my Best friend Back then. I don’t know how I should ask Him since we go to school together and one of his friends like me. Could You help me figure out a way 2 ask him out?

  8. Gera

    thats a nice one
    but most guy will not understand especially in our Cameroon content.when a girl make such a move the boy or man in question will look at the girl as been disperate and will always tell his friends that girl dated me in case of any misunderstanding.And the relationship will never be taken seriously.

  9. Nelson kamanga

    There is nothing wrong with both of them asking someone to date. What matters is confidency, respect energy, goals and good communication.

  10. Samantha Harper

    I am old fashioned! I was raised that the guy is suppose to pursue the lady. I allow the guy to pursue me, and their has only been one that I have ever loved, and we met when I was 18 years old, however, he claims that he met me when I was about 8 when we was both going to the Mennonite church, but I dont remember that. I would definately say that I prefer to be best friends before I go on a date with someone, or atleast know them real well, but that was the way I was raised!

  11. Jacqueline x9472

    Hi Eric,
    I guess I’m just old fashion, I think I prefer if the guy ask a girl out, men are naturally the hunters its just instinctively build in there DNA, if you take that away from them it may bring a disadvantage with the relationship, I agree with Eric, you can still firt to send a message that you would be open in going out with them.
    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

  12. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Great tips !!!!

    Nothing wrong with a lady asking a gent out on a date…..and this article has a few great suggestions as to how to do it.
    As long as the person asking doesn’t come across as needy, clingy, insecure and desperate …..it’s usually not the act of asking that is incorrect or misunderstood ….it’s the way that we project our energy and intent that matters.


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