On the face of it this sounds like a fairly innocent crime. So can it really end a relationship?
More than you would believe.
First of all, let me explain what I mean by fishing for a compliment. It might be a statement, like saying to your partner “Oh, it’s not fair. Everyone in this place is so skinny and good-looking” in a way that suggests you don’t find yourself attractive. Often when women in relationships make these statements, they’re said with the hope that their man will reassure them and say “But you’re beautiful/skinny/attractive too!”
This kind of reassurance can become extremely tedious for a man.
Fishing for compliments is a symptom of neediness, which is one of the biggest sexual turn offs for men. Needy behavior involves things like asking your partner to reassure you that you’re not fat, or worrying that you’re not as good looking as everyone else in the room, or that you’re not clever enough, the list goes on.
It’s the complete opposite of sexual confidence, and what’s more, it’s emotionally draining to be with someone who needs a constant self-esteem boost.
Whilst harmless playful jealousy can be fun, as soon as it strays into interrogations about where he was every moment of last night, who he was talking to, who he’s texting, or asking him whether he fancies his attractive co-worker, you know you’re in danger territory.
Jealousy is dangerous because it makes a man resentful towards his partner. He’ll feel more inclined to hide things because he feels like he’s being tracked. He will also start to resent being in a relationship, because he’ll associate it with being trapped instead of it being something he’s proud to have. Feeling trapped is perhaps the number one reason men have an instinctive fear of being in a relationship.
3. Unwillingness to Compromise
It’s become a cliché to say it, but a relationship is doomed from the beginning without compromise.
I need to qualify this though, because often people associate the word ‘compromise’ with giving up on the things that are important to you. We have been taught in recent years that it pays to be uncompromising in our lives, because this allows us to stay true to what we believe in, and ultimately to achieve success.
But it only pays to be uncompromising with a few very core values. When we talk about being compromising in a relationship, all we mean is that you allow yourself to be (a) open to criticism, (b) willing to change if necessary.
As soon as you shun criticism, it’s like you are putting your hands over your ears and blocking out everyone else’s voice but your own. People who will never compromise are stubborn.
Think about it. In order to maintain our relationships with our parents we sometimes have to compromise, and the same is true of our best friends. If we never compromised, it would just be two people shouting at each other, refusing to bend unless they get their own way.
Compromise is essential if a relationship is going to survive, and it begins with empathy. We need to understand where our partner is coming from, and make our needs clear to them.
4. Hoping That He’ll Change
Men don’t magically change once they are in a relationship. As Hanna Arendt said:
“Please don’t fool yourself: nobody was ever cured of anything, trait or habit, by a woman, though this is precisely what all girls think they can do.”
If you’re hoping that he’ll become less of a party animal, or more serious about his career, or stop flirting with other women, let me save you the time and heartbreak. He won’t change.
We’ve all made the mistake of falling in love with someone’s potential, instead of falling in love with who they are. Make sure you know the difference.
If your relationship is spent trying to change someone’s habits, it will end with either your frustration or their resentment. Bottom line: It’s not worth the effort.
OK, Free Gift Time…
I just gave you a valuable sneak peak at men. And because I’ve been helping women “get the guy” for some time now, I can promise just that advice alone is going to help some of you find the man you dream of.
But NOT all of you.
Some of you will need more insider information to snag the guy of your dreams. And that’s where the free gift comes from
Let me back up a bit.
Many of you don’t know me. But my name is Matthew Hussey and I used to coach guys on how to get women.
And yes. That’s the exact opposite of what I do now. And it was the exact opposite of all my instincts.
You see, growing up I had a lot of girls in my family close to my age. And they all seemed to come home with stories of guys they were interested in… but who did not respect them.
So while they fell head over heels, they didn’t get the guy. These girls were often my cousins and loved ones, so I really felt for them.
As I coached guys on how to open up and attract women… I couldn’t help but feel I should be doing this for women. I wanted to help women, like my cousins, who needed to meet the man of their dreams but couldn’t seem to catch him and keep him.
After coaching thousands of guys and discovering EXACTLY what makes them tick, I finally realized I had what I needed to help women out.
I understood men’s psychology—even more so than just by being a man. By helping vulnerable guys with their relationship problems, I was introduced to all the feelings men have when pursuing women.
And what is a guy to do with all this knowledge when he’s sympathetic to women who want to meet the man of their dreams? The only honest answer I can come up with is to SHARE it.