Casual or Deep?
With Internet dating and online social networks so prominent, both women and men are coming into contact with lots of people to date. With the variety of people comes a few problems.
First, decide if you want to casual date or date. Since people you’re meeting aren’t always from your own general area, you can fall prey to a casual relationship versus a deeper one you may be looking to find. Casual relationships really don’t progress. They involve a low level of dating along with proverbial rolls in the hay. Deep conversation and emotional connections, if they exist, are one sided.
People you meet online may have a greater potential to slip in and out of your life quickly, easily, and emotionally unscathed. They have no town, work or personal connection to you. Not only that, people who virtually don’t know you can vanish quickly and have far less incentive to be civil. If you were to date someone online for a few months they may just quit talking to you and move on. Since they won’t run into you at the neighborhood coffee shop, work or reunion, they have less incentive to be humane. They’ll simply never see your face again. It’s as easy as cut (ignore phone calls and texts) and run (post new pictures of themselves and move on).
How can you avoid becoming a casual relationship statistic? There are certain things a man will do ladies, that should set off the bells that he has literally no intention of getting serious. Look for the signs and do not delude yourself. That way, if you accept a casual relationship you’ll be doing it with your eyes wide open. If it is not what you want, you’ll know when to opt out.
Red Flag No. 1: No Time for You
This is the busy excuse. A man who repeatedly uses the busy excuse has to time for love, no time for love with you, that is. He has time. Everyone has time. What it comes down to is how they want to use it. It does not matter how many kids he has, what his commitments are, who his buddies are, and how much he travels for work. If he likes you he will find time for you. If he’s always busy and you’re always sitting by the phone wondering and waiting for a text message beep, your relationship is casual.
Red Flag No. 2: Controlled Time
This is called the “Time Diet.” One trick men employ is to meter out their time with you. If they can only see you once every week or two it prevents closer bonding. That way he can drag the relationship out using the busy excuse and get his hooks in for the casual hookups he wants with you. Once you realize you’re getting used and ask for more time he will usually get angry and accuse you of being controlling and selfish. The relationship will revert to his wishes or it will end.
Red Flag No. 3: No Time to Talk
If he’s running in and out of your china shop like a bull, it’s a casual relationship. If he doesn’t have time to talk to you on the phone every few days, it’s casual. If he texts you more than calls you, it’s casual. If he never texts you then it’s so casual that the relationship exists mainly in your head.
If you’re assertive and have clear boundaries you’ll be able to pick up on a man’s intentions quickly without having to confront him. Don’t mistake a no strings attached roll in the hay liaison with a relationship. Men always wish that women could just go endlessly in a casual fling with no expectations. But eventually, all women hope for something more committed. If you want to minimize the hurt from a casual situation, look for the signs. Then you can opt out if it’s not for you. The sooner you opt out of a no strings romance the less severe and long lasting the pain that you’ll suffer.
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