Why Do I Cheat?!

I do not want to be cheated on, you don’t want to be cheated on, no one wants to feel betrayed, and few are dying to dole out betrayal. However, it happens.

Denise is a caller of mine who is constantly finding herself drawn to men outside of her marriage. “I am not willing to let my marriage go, but I keep finding men that intrigue me.” Why does Denise keep cheating? In the spread I laid out for her we discover her Page of Batons is inverted, her Queen of Cups is inverted, her Queen of Coins sits right-side up, and her Empress is inverted. What this loosely means is that her need for security keeps her from leaving her marriage but she reaches outside of the home for primary fulfillment. So, if she loves to sing, she’ll find herself drawn to people who have the same interest. With her cup card inverted there’s a passionate part of her going unmet and she finds herself drawn to the dramatic dynamic this sort of conflict creates. The thing is, she’ll never leave her husband just find herself stuck in this whirlpool.

All criticism aside, what do you think about the root of cheating? What is missing from one relationship that is fulfilled by another, yet secret one?

23 thoughts on “Why Do I Cheat?!

  1. javlin501

    to me cheating is the only thing i can’t deal with in a relationship. nothing justifies it, if your not gettin something you want or need out of the relationship talk about it, if that doesn’t work & you feel you’ve done all you can then at least have enough respect for your partner & just leave. i don’t care how bad things are or what someone does to the other their is nothing that makes cheating acceptable.

  2. jp61

    Hello redhaired, this sounds all too familiar, I think its time to move on and forget this fellow because if he is thinking of you he will call YOU!!! he has not will guess what he is with another and is possibly falling for her right now, so my advice to you is to LET GO!!!

  3. jp61

    Please lets Face it ladies not hard to understand… when a man over 40 is not married, never engaged and has no kids in his life,ever…it is a BIG RED FLAG!!! hello! and if you pursue it, well quess what….you will be manipulated for lust only so remember first time shame on me second time shame on you! HE WILL NEVER CHANGE! i dont care how much gold you have down there or voodoo you put on him! it is what it is! a PLAYER for life! so except it or split and find a decent guy who will like it and put a ring on it!

  4. ellen

    i cheated on my man years ago – we were not married, thought. finally, i realize i should have left him as what i sought from another was a sense of fun, trust and understanding which i did not get from my man. i wish ihad realized then that i needed to leave my man as he was not fulfilling my need for a total love. he was verbally abusive – and the other one was the sweetest man in the world. so loving etc but did not want a commitment – i wish i had had the guts to be alone at that time as neither of them really was right for me.

  5. Michelle


    Having been married for 17 years and never cheated but was cheated on multiple times I feel that karma will get you.
    It is impossible to go through life doing harm to other be it emotional or physical and it not come back to you.
    Be a good person, if you are not happy tell the person you claim to love, dont cheat anyone out of happiness to make yourself feel more important.

  6. Donna

    The comment that “something is missing in the relationship”…leads you to blame the person who has been cheated on. When in fact, the “something is missing in the relationship” is the cheater. The person who does the cheating is the one missing something within themselves, and it has nothing to do with anything but the cheater. They have low self esteme, mean, hateful, abusive, I could go on and on…but it still has the same answer…the cheater is the person who needs to work on themselves and find out why they have such a low opinion of themselves.

  7. Pingback: Cheating is Never the Answer | California Psychics Blog

  8. pamela

    why is it okay to cheat???
    once you have had it .. you will leave no matter what the cost. Be happy not always wondering what the hell is he? Take the best and leave the rest…

  9. Donna Marshall

    My husband cheated on me. He is still seeing her, he says its okay to love two women. No, its not normal. I am still with him because I am nothing like him I made VOWS and I am keeping my end up. He says he loves me more then he love his girlfriend, she could never be like me. My mother-in-law meet this other woman and she being the mom says Tammy that’s the other woman’s name is using her son. I already know that but he doesn’t want to hear that. Tammy already told me she really is using him, for other stuff just not the sex. I guess MOm and I will have to sit back and watch him get hurt. Never will I eer replace you Donna he says to me, there will never be another woman like you that I could ever find or replace. Mike says to me Donna I’m the wife I LOVE YOU and only you.
    I hope you all read this because I truly need aREAL MAN IN MY LIFE ONE THAT ISN’T INTO HIMSELF.A TRUE REAL MAN THAT KNOWS HOW TO TREAT AWOMAN!!!!!!!

  10. shari

    I beg to disagree about the cheating. Even if it has been done to you, it doesn’t mean you learned your lesson about cheating on someone else. The heart wants what it wants. It is your integrity that keeps you from cheating.

  11. Tori

    David, very nice comment. It made me think about myself and what kind of pain I need to feel in order to stop my emotion pain and not seek the analgesic in other’s arms. For some reason the guilt I feel is not internalized as I lie to myself making me feel I love the person I hurt, but something tells me I really don’t. My partner found I cheated on him and broke up with me, I felt the abandonment, and what I thought was a truly intense pain, the one that you mentioned, so I felt guilty, I apologized and begged him to come back. He accepted, with one, only one, condition, my total honesty. I have been honest since then, but I do think over and over again if I made a mistake, as the “need” for going back to the relationship I left to go back to him hasn’t stopped, and I am afraid that the cycle is not broken. I don’t want to be the way I am, and to do what I’ve done in the past…Thanks for making me think…

  12. mc

    My ex-husband of 27 years was cheating on me with a younger woman for years, my best friend found out and she never told me, this really hurt me! Our frienship suffered a big blow, I did not talk to her for 5 years! We are ok now, but I believe a true friend should tell you what’s going on behind your back! Wouldn’t she tell her sister if she knew? yes, it’s not fair to not let her know, who’s side are you on?

  13. Bluestar

    For the first time in my life, I find myself in a relationship where I am being cheated on. I can’t prove if it is actually physical. But I do know it is emotional, on the computer and a lot of the time and I am not involved. I eventually saw and found out that my boyfriend has a massive cyber sex addiction. I’ve asked him about it, but he doesn’t want to share that part of life with me it seems. He says it’s just something he does, like porn. But it’s way more interactive then that. I could deal with it if it’s just porn.
    I finally cheated on him last year (this is the 1st time in my life I’ve ever cheated on someone) when I found videotapes of him with other people. He claims they were taken before he met me, but I was so hurt at that point, I needed to feel affection again, even if for that brief moment. I spoke with a psychic and they said he probably made the tapes right before he met me. We patched things up and I thought it would get better.
    However, his online sex habit gets worse and worse and when I try to communicate with him, it’s like talking to a wall. Recently I took matters into my own hands and I finally posed as a woman on one of his sex sites, to see what he was up to and if it was him just wanting to watch people or more then that. He came to my profile and hit me up, I didn’t even go to him.
    When I started chatting with him, he asked me to send pics. I sent fake ones. Then he asked me to call him and to meet him when he gets home (he is currently away on business). I live with him at home and he was asking this girl if she could “host” and have him come over. This was just about a week and a half ago and I am sick to my stomach, literally. Of course, he still tells me he loves me, misses me, can’t wait to get home, etc., but he doesn’t know that I know what he asked and said to this girl he was speaking to, who was actually me. I had initially moved from the east to the west coast to be with him last year. So I still live with him because I do not have a job. I’m just trying to get a job before he comes back in 2 weeks, because I HATE the feeling that I’m living with a liar. I have no idea if he’s been doing this to me the entire 3 years we have been together. As much as I want to sleep with others right now, I know part of it is for revenge and may backfire. But I also haven’t let him know that I know what’s up. I don’t want him to know until I have a place lined up for me. It’s the worst possible feeling that I have right now and it’s so hard to handle because I still have to live with him, I am walking on eggshells and have to pretend nothing is wrong when I talk or am with him. I just want to get out of this situation unscathed and even though I didn’t know this would happen, you can bet I will never put myself in this position again with a relationship!!!!
    Cheating is something you will never do to someone else once you’ve been hurt with it.
    Blessings to all who are going through this right now. I hope we all get through it and become even stronger women 🙂

  14. Trish

    I was married for 23 years and for 18 years of that marriage had an affair with another man. I am ashamed to say that I never felt guilt while in the relationship. I knew that the other man was married as well,and neither of us was going to make a move especially since both of us had become accustomed to having our cake and eating it. I was intriqued with his power. Eventually I left the husband and married a second time. When I married this man I truly felt we were soul mates and he promised me that he would never cheat and I promised the same. The career I had demanded alot of my time and my new husband soon began to think that I perhaps was cheating and he went on to have an affair with his cousin and his wife for 7 mos. I put a stop to it and moved him on out. I was crushed but remained faithful. 8 mos later I allowed him to move back and and I can say that honestly nothing is the same anymore. I no longer have any trust in him and feel disgusted when he touches me or gets closed to me. I have told him that things are not working for me and I need to move on; he insists that he wants his marriage back. He left that marriage in another bed somewhere. Karma sucks! I guess I got mine back.

  15. Cathy

    Sorah Suhng, ah, Magical Love. If it’s hard to come by, then it must be more valuable, right? My ex-husband loved me and didn’t want me to leave – he was willing to forgive me for having an affair, until I had a second affair and practically taunted him with it. Then there is the secretive aspect of cheating. I’ve got quite a bit of Scorpio in my chart – I’ve always got a seductive secret up my sleeve. So yes it’s an abandonment thing, but it’s also the desire for magical mystery relationships. Hey, wasn’t that a Beatles song? 🙂

  16. Sorah Suhng

    Cathy, I seem to find myself in a very similar predicament as you, and I ask myself if I’m really that masochistic.
    Firstly, do not take lightly that you are aware of where your pattern comes from. A lot of people don’t, and you have to give yourself credit for being self aware!
    Secondly, the thing I have discovered is that for me, it stems from me trying to prove myself that “I’m worth it.” IF the guy reciprocates after much self-induced punishment, then I get the “TADA! Magical love, Disney style.” IF the guy DOESN’T reciprocate, then they are proving me right, in which case I get, “AH HA! I told you so!” which is just reinforcing a “negative” view of males.
    Your awareness if your greatest weapon to combat this. Don’t take it lightly! And I have your back, metaphorically speaking!

  17. Cathy

    I agree that abandonment issues play a role in cheating. In my case, my father became distant when I was no longer a “little girl.” To this day I can’t seem to stay interested in a solid, stable relationship with a nice guy who cares about me. I crave attention from unavailable men – they are married, they live hundreds of miles away, or they are just not that into me. I know where it comes from, and that helps, but so far I haven’t been able to blast myself out of the pattern.

  18. Psychic Maryanne Ext. 9146

    Hi, Nunu,
    Another great article. Thanks so much for doing this series; it’s very informative.
    As to cheating, oh my, I do agree with Miss Krystal about the infinite number of reasons for that to happen. I don’t have any judgment about it, either, for each client’s situation is very different. Is something missing in their relationship or in themselves-once again, the reasons are infinite and impossible to generalize.
    Thanks again for this series,
    Psychic Maryanne
    Ext. 9146

  19. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Nunu-I just wrote a response and it got deleted by accident 🙁
    Another great article. Hot topic.
    I have seen so many different scenarios on this subject. They truly do run the gamut. Another area that we, as readers, need to be objective. I am sure so many of us have seen some “unique” circumstances with this one.
    There are so many reasons. I can’t speak in general. I think this is an area where our empathic skills will come in handy.
    I always love your articles.
    Miss Krystal

  20. david

    Pain. Just as some women learn earn on to equate paid with please. Some women latter in life learn to equate emotion pain with sex. They therefore run from the pain of their mate to the self destructive pain of a lover and the chemical cycle is imbedded and deepens. Usually drugs are involved as well. Typically this person we giving by nature but morphs into a taker and in taking we are never fulfilled. The only way to break free is to internalize the pain as guilt. This will create oonsciousness and greater guilt but oddly enough it is only thru truly intense personal pain that they will break free because in final stage it develops into remorse and then the cycle is broken.


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