Learning a Tough Lesson in Love writes:
Last year I got involved with a man 22 years younger than me. At that time I had been totally single since my separation and divorce, and had not been dating anyone for nearly 5 years. The emotional connection between us was instant and so physical. We started seeing each other and ended up falling in love.
I tried to remind myself about our age and cultural differences (we are both from different continents), and give all rational reasons why we should stop our relationship. I later met another man, also highly intelligent, sweet, kind, with no strings attached, and much closer to my age.
I started seeing him with the goal of bringing my other relationship to an end. Both men knew about each other, and I really began to see my feelings shifting from one to the other. But, unfortunately, I failed to make my final decision, partly due to my younger lover’s persistence to keep us together.
As a result, my 2nd lover started a new rebound relationship — he believes I am still in love with my younger lover. I know how much he liked me, and how much I hurt his feelings by continuing to see the other guy. But I truly believed I was going to work it out. I feel that I made a terrible mistake by not breaking up with my younger boyfriend immediately.
I refused his recent offer to stay in touch as friends, but I think of him every single day, and I feel he does the same. I am focusing myself on yoga, other fitness activities, classes, meditation and reading. I normally don’t regret my decisions, but this is the first time I do. Will we have another chance to put this behind us and form a relationship and rebuild trust?
Continue to do what you are doing for yourself. Focusing on the things we can control is key in times like this so you don’t feel out of steam.
I am sure your old friend thinks of you often and will probably remember you longer than you can imagine. And, of course you will have another relationship. In March it looks as if you will be meeting up with a man a little younger than you who is extremely athletic. This appears to be your next big chance to get things right.
Please try not to kick yourself for loving 100% regardless of how things end up happening. Your key cards to remember in this time are the Hermit and Temperance. The Hermit instructs you to remember, to think, and to keep your eyes on your own desires, no one else’s. Temperance is telling you to keep balanced, something that you are already successfully doing.