It’s summer, and if you’re like most singles, you’re in the mood for love… or at least some lovin’! And who can blame you? Hot weather means cool drinks, less clothing and lowered inhibitions thanks to a generally sultry feeling. But whether you’re in the market for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, a few rules still apply. That’s where our summertime (and anytime) guide to men you should miss comes in. So read on, and consider yourself warned.
(Guys, if a woman exhibits these characteristics you probably wanna steer clear, too!)
It’s true that a graceful guy can blend into any crowd, and there’s nothing we like more than social skills. However, if you meet a guy who seems schizophrenic at worst and indecisive at best, that’s another story altogether!
Blending in and shape shifting are not the same skill, and above all else (for the long term or the summer fling), you want someone who is him (or her) self in any given situation. Give bonus points for potential to anyone who treats your bus boy the same as he’d treat the King of Spain (not that you’ll likely get the chance to tell, but you get the idea!). But, if you’ve hung out with a guy in several different scenarios and found yourself wondering who the person standing next to you actually is because his story changes so much, steer clear. There’s a lot more he might be hiding, namely the fact that he doesn’t know (or like) who he actually is!
This one sounds obvious, but given the right amount of tequila and a certain level of physical attraction, many, many women have been known to let reason fly out the window faster than a 747 and have found themselves in the “mile low club.” Getting involved with a guy who is married, engaged or in any form of relationship will not lead you to the land of the fairies where he chooses you and the two of you live happily ever after. And even if it does, it’s going to cause a lot of hurt (and heartache) along the way. You may think that if it’s just for a night (or two), that it’s no big deal. You’re on vacation, or it’s girls’ night out…no one will ever know! Wrong! You’ll know, and you’ll have to live with it…and your karma, which never fails to come around.
If you see a wedding ring, if his phone rings a lot and he avoids it, if there are enough clues of any kind to the fact that he’s taken (you can never call him at home, he can never stay at your place, he mentions his “psycho stalker of an ex” who “just keeps calling”), be clear about who you’re dealing with and then steer even clearer! He’s just bad news!
It doesn’t matter what exactly the monkey on his back is, finding yourself entangled with an addict of any sort is not the place you want to be. That said, it happens, and by no means am I saying addicts are bad people. However, if you’re looking to start something up, no matter what your intentions are down the road, why open yourself up to excessive heartache, potential lies and coming in second (albeit maybe close) to a substance. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the person you’ve met has a problem. Some clues: two bottles of wine and he’s still not drunk, phone calls at weird hours looking for money, constantly burning the midnight oil in the club and not the office, one too many trips to the bathroom and a bleary eyed look upon return, and heavy partying friends…remember, where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire!
Think you’re above it? Don’t mistake dependence for a poor man’s game. Addicts come in all shapes and sizes and have all kinds of vices. Just be careful, and be advised!
You may feel flattered when he ogles you at the bar. In fact, you’ve been needing some attention for a while now, and that little bit of naughty in his eye (okay, big bit) is a turn on and a half. But here’s the gawker’s dirty little secret: those who leer, look, but they don’t touch…or if they do, it’s not with any finesse or skill. (And remember Chameleon Man’s distant relative Truly Charming Guy — finesse and skill go a long way — even further in the touching department!).
Instead of taking any interest in the guy who ogles you — and every other chick within eye range — consider the guy who’s “little bit of naughty” really is little, and really is intended just for you. You catch his glance and maybe he’s embarrassed…or maybe he’s just fine with it, because he’s discerning, and of everyone else he’s seen that night (and probably in a while) you’re particularly interesting to him.
There’s nothing wrong with acting when sparks fly. But true chemistry is one thing, while throwing a bunch of lust at the wall to see what woman sticks is another. Be smart enough to know you’re better than guy on the prowl who’s only appealing because you need some attention. The kind of attention this lech gives isn’t worth your time anyway. He’s more interested in satisfying himself than he is in satisfying you — however you define satisfaction!
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