Ah, lost love… Ouch. As anyone who’s ever suffered a broken heart knows, it’s not uncommon to spend weeks, months, and even years mourning a relationship gone wrong. In fact, some psychologists say that breakups are even harder to resolve than deaths, because you know the person you’ve lost is still out there… just not with you!
While it’s true that healing takes time, if you’re one of those people still holding a torch long after the embers of hope have burned out (and stopped smoldering), it’s time to face facts: your ex is not coming back. What can you do? It’s obvious. Reclaim your life and find love again.
Get a clue
While it’s easy to convince yourself that you’re not hanging on, that your ex really will be back (after all, you’re still in contact!) take a step back and consider what sort of contact it is that you’re in. If you’re speaking frequently and actually discussing the possibility of reconciliation (or even reminiscing but with concrete possibilities for getting together – like concrete as in dates), getting back together might actually be in the cards. On the other hand, if it’s been years since you’ve split and he or she emails you once every few months, don’t mistake it for a burning desire to reunite. They’re checking in, seeing how you’re doing – they may even be flirting. But they’re not professing their undying love.
Other clues that it’s probably time to let go include your ex getting married, your ex not returning your calls or responding to your heartfelt diatribes with two-line replies. And, if your ex asks for (and/or obtains) a restraining order, you’re probably in this alone. Naturally, that last one’s a joke… but sometimes our obsessions can become so intense, that a self-imposed restraining order on our thoughts might be helpful! Unfortunately (or maybe not – depending on how you look at it), only you have the power to change the way you’re thinking – and to refocus your energy on yourself.
Good and bad news
One of the silliest things we human beings assume is that we shouldn’t think about our ex-lovers. Why would that be the case? Even if you’ve fallen head over heels with someone new, it’s natural to have fond memories of someone you once loved – and in some ways, to continue to love them. Certain people will always hold a special place in our hearts, and remembering that is a great way to honor what you once had together (after all, it’s a part of your life that made you who you are). Likewise, unless your ex-lover has amnesia or Alzheimer’s, he or she probably thinks of you, too. But that’s where it ends – or at least, where it should end.
Odds are your addiction to your ex – and that’s what it is, an addiction – is one sided. Even if it’s not, you still need to break it. Two burning torches do not add up to a lasting, healthy relationship. And by living in the past, no matter how sweet it was (don’t forget, we all tend towards rose-colored hindsight), you’re not only deluding yourself, you’re depriving yourself of the present. While that’s bad news in and of itself, what’s worse is that you’re delaying your next love!
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