T.W. from Douglas asks:
For most of my life I’ve been a giver. I feel comfortable in that role, and enjoy it most of the time. However, the past few years have left me feeling that my understanding, giving, and forgiving nature has been taken for granted by my husband. Now, I’m seeing the same pattern with a co-worker. She was one of my best friends before we began working together a little over a year ago. It doesn’t bother me to give more than I receive, as long as I know the other person’s motives are pure and that they won’t use me. I have the biggest problem when their behavior becomes disrespectful. My husband has had affairs, and my friend/co-worker treats me like a subordinate. I need to know how to stand up for myself, and create healthy boundaries. I want to know how to do this without damaging the relationships, but, I guess, in so many ways these relationships are already damaged. I’m a Gemini, and both of these people are Cancers. Thanks for your insight.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
You have already identified the two biggest issues that cause you pain and conflict. Acknowledging that your relationships are out of balance, and realizing that you need to set some boundaries, is the key to creating happier and healthier relationships.
Where you seem to be having the most trouble is finding a way to express your feelings. Because you’re a natural peace-maker and giver, you fear causing disruption or unhappiness. That is something you should focus on working through. Sometimes the best way to avoid confrontation and get your point across is to ask questions when the people around you are being disrespectful, demeaning, or taking you for granted. You can really tone down your frustrations by opening a line of communication from perceived curiosity – such as “Why are you speaking to me that way? Have I upset you?” or “I would be happy to help you, but I’d really appreciate it if next time you… (insert boundary here).”
You rarely stand up for yourself. Sure, you’ve blown up here and there, but those emotional rushes don’t typically bring about lasting, productive results. People expect you to endure, forgive, and move on. Typically, you do.
Some changes, especially personal ones, come about slowly. Think things through, look for calm opportunities, and share with those who impact your life what you’re thinking and feeling underneath your smile. While not everyone will embrace you turning over a new leaf and becoming more of a priority in your own life, those who value you and have pure intentions will respond favorably; and even offer you a little help and assistance along the way.
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