Sex Q&A: Why Life is Hard for Men

All human beings are opportunistic to the extreme and gender has no monopoly on bad behavior. Psychic Liam says that people who hurt us don’t generally mean to do so. Modern men’s lives are a bit more complicated because women are the most oppressed and abused group of human beings in history. Continue reading to find out what other thoughts Liam has about one man in particular.

Hint: It’s the Woman’s Fault

Nahush asks:

I read your article on the parasitic male. I want to know about the parasitic female. Now, I say that, because I have had an experience in life where the female has come into my social setting, taken over and made me feel like an outsider. I believe women have too much power in a social setting these days, and men just don’t have enough. I also feel like if I go for the girl of my dreams, everybody around her will support her. If I find out she’s not for me, then I am the one to blame, and I will lose all my friends. We all know life is unfair, but why does it have to be such a hard life for men?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Nahush. I hope I can help you see things from a different angle. Altering a habitual point of view can be a frightening prospect, but you seem to me to be a spirited sort of fellow, so perhaps the attempt won’t be such a big deal for you. All our perceptions come to us by way of contrast… of opposition… weight and counter-weight. For every considered perception, there is an opposing perception in play, and the only thing that makes one more valid than the other is where the individual chooses to put their sense of value. You can flip the switch at any time and see things from the other side, if you only want to. To deal first with your question regarding women and parasitic behavior, I feel it must be pointed out that human beings could quite easily be deemed a very parasitic species in general. Certainly there can be no doubt that all human beings are opportunistic to the extreme and gender has no monopoly on bad behavior. But I want you, in particular, to remember something very important. In sociology, it is considered illogical to draw conclusions about a certain group when that group has historically suffered under a yoke of cultural oppression. In other words, if one group has had to utilize undesirable modes of operation in order to manage social survival over several thousand years, it’s a bit unfair for members of the oppressing group to suggest that those behaviors are somehow native to the oppressed group’s nature. And make no mistake about it, my friend, women are by far the most oppressed and abused group of human beings in history. But I digress. To return to your situation specifically, I feel what we have here is a simply a case of projection. It seems to be all about personal misunderstanding… about one woman who just really pissed you off.

Believe it or not, people who hurt us, who insult or degrade us in the social game, don’t generally mean to do so. When people are offended, their first reaction is to sincerely believe that the culprit set out with evil intent on some malicious and maniacal quest to do them wrong. Our culture has a dualistic concept of divinity that supports this black and white viewpoint, the good vs. evil paradigm… A steady diet of Disney films and ardent, media supported nationalism don’t help matters. The lady presented in your scenario – the one who took all your friends and turned you into an alienated pariah – was not intending to harm you. Indeed, I sense that from her perspective that things didn’t appear anything like what you describe. In fact, I see that from her side of the situation that you were oddly sensitive, fearful of her involvement with your friends to such a point that you became difficult for everybody. It may very well be that it wasn’t her that made you unpopular. Your jealousy of her getting any of the attention you determined to be rightfully “yours” made you rude and not so much fun for her (or anyone else) to be around. Once again, this is only a differing point of view. But it is one I want you to consider. You don’t have to accept it as your own. Just play with it a bit. The point is you were so convinced a certain thing was happening that it became your truth. And now that subjective “truth” is festering in your soul and ruining your life. You have become entirely too wrapped up in yourself, and it’s not doing you a bit of good. You can’t see other people’s positions… you can’t even ask yourself how they must feel. I suggest you forget about finding a lady love for now. You’ve a long way to go before you’re ready for that. And you can start out by getting beyond yourself. Take an interest in other people for a change, and let go of all that anger you’re harboring toward the girl you think wronged you. And while you’re at it, quit taking everything so damned seriously. This bit of cinema we call life isn’t set up on an infinite reel, and you’re wasting a whole lot of precious time. For the future, keep the words of Don Quixote in mind, “Be kind to all women, to all men just.”


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21 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Why Life is Hard for Men

  1. ron b

    i have to agree wit john s women get in & out of things much easier than men just becuse they r women & they also do things they no r wrong just because they can or to see if they can

  2. Debbie

    Liam, very well said- you must be very psychic because it felt like you really “tapped in” to this young man’s mind. In that case- well said. But I agree with other’s opinions too, that you may have given the impression that this most abused class of people (women) are not trying to consciously hurt the man, therefore… Arise’s comment was another excellent perspective. Liam, it’s just that if you didn’t get a psychic impression from this man as you read his letter, you have indeed come down on him WAY too strong. If indeed you did, then you did him a real favor by bringing him to his knees. Otherwise his self-esteem is some where in the toilet right now.

  3. Laurie

    It resonated with me that you also believe women to be the most abused people through history. I love men and I am getting married soon to my third husband and,hopefully, soul mate. It is very easy for a person to end a relationship badly and then generalize that all of the other people of that sex are the same and you are the victim. Then you do not have to look at the part that you may have played in ruining the relationship.

    I have a number of friends of both sexes and have found there to be no difference between the sexes in who has the highest number of “users”. The biggest differences are that women who are more sexually experienced than their mates had better keep it quiet. Also, there are so many limitations as to how much money women make and keep. Everything we consume costs more than for men yet we generally still earn less than them.

    I have always enjoyed the articles that you have written Liam, especially those that include your interest in the history of male/female relationships.

    This man, I can’t help but feel that he is still a young man, should spend some time in helping others and forget about his grudges for a while. He will certainly find others that are worse off than himself and helping others will certainly make him more attractive to most women.

    I am trying to find Mother’s Day gifts for the many women who are in an abused womens’ shelter for Mother’s Day. Now that is more of a tragedy than his life and when he understands it then he will be a man.

    I hope to read more of your articles in future Liam.

    Laurie, a daily reader of California Psychics

  4. John

    I can certainly see your point of view and in this case you are certainly on target! I also believe that we need to be careful of our own egos. Women generally have different motivations then men. I would also be interested in your perspective on parasitic females? Please enlighten us!
    All the Best!
    John B

  5. Marta

    Liam, you made some very good points. Sometimes we hurt others and don’t even realize it at the time. Also, it is good to read someone say how Western cultures have so suppressed and oppressed women. We should learn from Native Peoples how to treat women. Matriarchal societies involve equality and respect for women. I recall you writing about this in another article.

  6. elly

    Liam, as usual, you gave me a new insight! Think of the other person(s) once-in-awhile! I’ve been feeling a little intimadated by all the Facebook interaction, and I see it’s me. As Pogo says: “we have met the enemy and he is us”! Thanks for another life lesson!

  7. arise

    First of all I agree with almost everything Liam says in this post. I could be wrong, but I think maybe Nahush has misunderstood the meaning of parasitic (overly attached, dependent, and draining). This woman doesn’t seem that way, if anything he’s saying she’s too strong and independent. And I think Liam has slightly misunderstood the question (although his advice is still appropos). I think the strong female and the girl of Nahush’s dreams are the same person. She hasn’t turned everyone against him, he only fears she will. He doesn’t know if he can handle her strength, that’s why he worries about the breakup scenario.

    I could be biased because I seem to be in this situation (on the woman’s side). I would say to Nahush, it’s possible that to the “girl of his dreams” he is the “man of her dreams”. To most women, liking a guy means learning about what’s important to him, and showing that she can be a positive part of his world. I would suggest that she’s been making herself available so he can make the first move, which shows she’s fine with him taking the lead. She may be wondering what more she could possibly do to show her interest, and why it’s taking him so long.

  8. NK

    Liam: perfect answer as always. You’re my oracle and wisdom. The only Man I can rely on saying the truth. Thank you so much for supporting women and giving us strength and power in letting our inner Goddesses come through.
    Clearly, the man has some growing up to do. and the woman who “frightened” him was a secure beautiful woman who needs a partner who can hold his own and not feel threatened by her presence.

    Once again, Thank you Liam for standing up for us. Being the most oppressed in the society, it makes us happy to have you in our lives.

  9. Samuel Esowe

    I don’t know if I would say my problem with females stems from narcissistic point of view, but I am stuck in my head a lot, yet I agree with article. Most men, including me, tend to be less emotional, so truly connecting with those that’s not our kin would be nearly impossible. But time’s changing and even Shrek is willing to get in-touch with his emotions.

  10. C.Wright.Thru.

    Infinite and Eternal Blessings ALL.
    Well said by Don Quixote (with a tweaking) – “Be kind to ALL FEMALES, to all males just.”

    Plus forgive and bless yourself and forgive and bless her and all involved, while continuing to move forward positively(with self-love/development)!

  11. John S.

    This is the worst (and most destructive) advice I’ve ever heard. Women cannot be held responsible for their moral or ethical behavior because they are victims?!?!?

    A healthy individual adult takes personal responsibility for their actions and behavior, period.

    Nahush, I don’t know your situation, but I will tell you this, if your friends were so quick to abandon you they weren’t really your friends. You cannot control other peoples’ behavior, only your own. You should examine your own ethical makeup and find out why you allowed these type of people in your life in the first place.

    As for Liam, stop acting as an apologist and enabler for mentally unhealthy behavior. You might be able to collect a paycheck for it, but you are promoting self-destructive behavior to thousands of people on this forum and hurting the innocence people who interact with them.

  12. Leslie Dolin

    Congraulations on an insightful and helpful piece of writing. I do so need to talk with Philip, and/or Heidi but at the moment I do not have a credit card excepting for a sears ccredit card. if that would work so please reply asap. I need guidance , in fact it is critical at this moment. I am on your computer so getting in touch should not be a difficulty. All of you serve a most useful service and I thank you.

  13. linda smith

    I met a 74 yr old man with whom I became endeared. I thought he was my knight in shining armor. We became close, I thought. Then he started asking for space which I gave. He only became more alienated. We made an investment, and the promises he made did not seem right. Whenever I asked about my part of the investment, he became agitated. I spoke with him last week, and he really blew his top. I wrote him a very harsh letter, telling him he was egotistical and arrogant, and many other things. I called him and literally apologized. He said thank you and will call. He has not called in four days, and I realize that it is over betwen us. However. I still want to know about my part of the investment and do intend to call him sometime this week.

  14. Tee/dee

    Wow, that was deep on soooo many levels…I’m speechless… the small glimpse of insight on a man’s thinking

  15. valerie

    ouch. but good advise that could be applied to all situations where we’ve felt wronged be it by man or woman.


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