Sex Q&A: Who is Your Ultimate Match, a Man or a Woman?

Sex Insights With Liam: Embracing Bisexuality

Daniel from Los Angeles asks:

Hi Liam,

Firstly, I want to thank you for reading my message. I have felt an inner dis-ease for quite some time due to burning questions about my sexual and romantic life. I am a college student in L.A.—and I’m bisexual. I have had encounters and workable flings with men for some time, but nothing that has sparked my soul. I wish to find my soulmate, or at least someone who I connect with on a spiritual level—regardless of their gender. I have been told by a few psychics that I am meant to be with a man, and by another that I am ultimately meant to be with a woman. To explain matters, if I am to find my soulmate in a woman, there is no need for me to “come out,” but if my fate is to be with a man, I feel I should start to prepare myself to live openly and freely. As a bisexual guy, finding someone can become even more frustrating because it is difficult at times to know where and with whom to focus your energy. I am more monogamy-oriented and don’t actively seek to live a double life or anything. Can you give me some of your frank insight?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Daniel, and thank you for this awesome inquiry. I answered another of your questions here during the summer months and I think this one is akin to your other, in which you asked me about a fellow you were dating and soulmates and psychic readings, but it follows a very different stream of inquiry, so let’s run with it. From what I see, your life is going to be a very interesting one, but I don’t want you to get caught up in over-analyzing your life script, or indulging in notions of fatalism. The universe is far more interesting and amazing than we can ever possibly know. To prescribe archaic and limiting notions to something so magnificent hardly does it, or us, any justice.

I’m not going to scold you for believing in soulmates. I probably did that in my last answer anyway. What I will do is suggest that you challenge yourself a bit more when it comes to how you choose to believe this universe works. The most important step in that challenge is to quit listening to everybody else. Whether they be psychics or preachers or politicians—brother, everybody thinks they have the answers. But the fact is, you don’t need any of their answers because every answer you need for you is already there in the rich, inner depths of your own subconscious.

Your best bet is to take up tantric yoga or go hang out with some shamans in South America. Write a novel or two, go to operas or volunteer to read books to sick kids in children’s hospitals. Write poetry on bar napkins and listen to the tales of bums at midnight. Foster the hidden parts of yourself, renew your sense of wonder and you’ll forget all about soulmates and destiny soon enough. Small, silly notions after all.

The subject of bisexuality often fosters controversy and for good reason. Bisexual men certainly do exist. Always have. But a lot of gay men feel that the bisexual label is one that gives closeted gays a hypocritical safe space. And I’m afraid you fall in that zone, my friend. I’m not saying this to be hurtful, but because I question from what I’m seeing whether you are actually bisexual or a young, gay man, who is very afraid of coming out to certain people in his life. You’ve got good reason to be afraid, so you keep the label as a way to avoid being totally honest with those people…or with yourself.

I’m not saying there aren’t certain women you might find attractive. Gay men can certainly find themselves attracted to a woman from time to time. But what we need to focus on is what will actually make you happy in your life and pretending to be bisexual, straight or whatever, when you are really gay, is no way to make yourself happy. You need to think clearly about this and start getting honest with yourself. Stop having so many readings and start living your life. You won’t regret it.


Do you have a question for Liam? Ask Liam your question now.

4 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Who is Your Ultimate Match, a Man or a Woman?

  1. Daniel

    Wow Liam,

    The odd fate of the Universe does knock at the door at crucial times. This early morning, I came back to this site to peruse some articles, and thought to look up articles on gay relationships, not knowing that I was previously answered by you twice. I came to LA as an indeed insecure gay guy not having barely told a soul, and now almost a year later, much, much more free- although still unraveling myself like an onion.
    I have always enjoyed your frank, and sometimes scolding answers- I can sense your authenticity, and it is refreshing to read. I’m glad you called a spade a spade. I am gay. Probably like gay as a three dollar bill. I’ve convinced myself that I am at least partially sexually attracted to women, but I think more than ever, as of late, the real truth has been screaming in my ears very loud. I love men, and that’s what’s real. I definitely held way too tightly on to what this psychic and that psychic told me, almost to a fault. I looked so deeply almost on a sub-conscious level, for that proverbial match that would come raining down from heaven , that it often exhausted me and sent me on wild sniffing chases to empty doors. I am still quite shocked what I found today…. I had NO idea that I had these previous responses from you. Incredible. I am oh so curious to talk to you some time. Funny, because now three months in the future from your last response, my life is indeed becoming way too interesting even for myself ( not sexually unfortunately ). I am about to embark on a (seemingly) crucial abroad study/work experience for some several months and I have a feeling my sexuality journey is going to be at a pinnacle point ( seeing that this country is not gay-friendly). I have hope though, especially now. You are a gem Liam. I can sense you know that, but I am here to echo that and for you to be blessed. Wow. Indeed, reassurance comes at marvelous times. Clearly I don’t have jack all for answers for my life as of now, but I do feel divinely guided, and whether it is an illusion , or reality, I am enjoying it ( and debating it, allthewhile). Thanks for the confidence boost and frank replies, I’m still reveling.
    Daniel from LA

  2. Latasha Lawrence

    Who is my soul mate… is Corey the one for me or Dennis the guy I use to work with … who is for me


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *