Do you know what kind of relationship you are in or are you maybe longing for more. Liam looks into this dilemma more in this segment of Sex Q&A.
Aly from London, United Kingdom asks:
Why can’t I just have great sex with him instead of feeling obliged to want more? I like a man who is with another woman. I think I want a relationship with him but I feel our only common ground is lust. His girlfriend is tolerant of his playing with others, but yet I’m not. Am I in denial of my real feelings, or am I totally being played by this man?
Greetings, Aly, and thanks for writing. Give yourself credit for some hardcore self-observation here and a big gold star for approaching the situation from a realistic standpoint. Your question and the words you use to ask it show the kind of self-awareness few people can bear to muster. I agree you are experiencing quite the dilemma. What we can be sure of is that your thoughts of having a relationship with this man are not the result of oxytocin or any other fairy tale, monogamy-inducing chemical. They’re also not the result of some karmic connection or “contract” that you need to work out with this gentleman. But I think you already know all that. I also think you already know what the answer to your question is. If you need help finding your own answers on this let Liam or one of our many psychics help you today.
You mention feeling obliged to want a relationship with this man. You feel like you’re “supposed” to want a relationship with him because there’s a social subtext that has been ingrained in your psyche since you were a toddler that girls should only have sex within the confines of a conventional relationship. If you dare buck this traditional puritanism, then you risk tribal alienation and branding yourself with the scarlet archetype of “bad girl.” And we all know what happens to bad girls. Watch any movie, soap opera or read any romance novel. This narrative may seem archaic but make no mistake, it remains as subconsciously powerful as ever. No one may actually live that mandate any more now than they ever did, but that doesn’t matter. The early, subtle introduction of the standard casts the role and sets the script from the beginning. You can blame television for it. You can blame your family. You can blame religion. But it won’t make any difference. What matters is the fact that the whole mess creates nothing but rubbish and hardship and women who will go to great lengths to perpetuate its illusion in their lives.
If you dare to break the pattern, you’ll see that it’s okay to feel something deep for this man—something wondrous and frightening. Indeed, it’s entirely possible to fall hopelessly in love with him and still not want to be in a long-term relationship with him. In fact, if you learn to favor experience over possession, then you can quite easily indulge in these realms of emotional delirium without having to drag along the taint of conventionalism that so often destroys such midnight connections. Personally, I think you need this relationship to be just what it is for just as long as you want it to last. Put aside the childish, American morality you’ve been taught and allow yourself to experience some real adult emotion for once. You’ll be better for it.
Do you have a question for Liam? Ask Liam your question now.