Sex Q&A: Letting Your Body Speak for You

Dear Liam,


The best part of the sensual sex you’re talking about, Liam — letting your body speak for you — is that you learn to love giving to your partner. As you make them feel good, you also feel good. When you focus on your partner, you feel so much more yourself! I highly recommend it. When I tell my girlfriends this, and many have had really interesting lovers (one a few celebs), they say the guy should be doing the work. I don’t think so. What do you think?

– Thinkerbelle

Dear Thinkerbelle,

You bring up some great points here. As usual, your observations are highly intriguing and I wanted to address a few of these items in article form. The idea that in making your partner feel good, you also feel good, is actually a very spiritual concept that has very ancient and mysterious roots.

In the Vama Marga, the sexual aspect of the Tantric tradition, for example, the practice of worshipping or adoring one’s partner as the Divine is a central part of the mystical experience. The focus rests intently on pleasing, adoring, and arousing your partner, culling manifestations of Divinity via pleasure and climax, etc. The same practice is also heavily embedded in Western Esoteric Traditions and one can find traces of it as far back as Sumeria. Modern practioners will tell you if you practice this sacred sexual concept, not only are you in for some mind blowing experiences, but you are embarking on a mystical quest which might just alter your way of percieving reality forever.

Your friends who seem to be insistent on the concept of male dominant sex are not only missing out on some vital aspects of their own sensual journey, but, in truth, with that attitude, I would think they are probably getting left in the dust a great deal by these lovers they mention, be they celebs or not.

I understand what they are implying, and I know that the magic of pursuit-and-capture sex does indeed rely on the male being much more aggressive, and ‘taking’ the female during the sexual encounter — while she remains in a highly submissive and surrendering role. Throughout any relationship, this sort of sex certainly has its place. The ritual drama of hunter and prey, as well as the sexual aspect, should be played often.

However, this is just one form of human sexuality, and it seems your friends are hung up on the old- fashioned ideal of the man taking charge, doing the work, taking care of the girl, etc. It’s an archaic notion that if adhered to over time, will gurantee boredom and may even lead to partners who believe those friends aren’t really attracted to them sexually.

A man who thinks his partner is no longer attracted to him will seek out someone who is… It happens all the time. There are many roles in sex, many rituals and games to play. Female dominant sex, with the woman as huntress and stalker, she who seduces and takes, can be even ‘more’ powerful than the male-taking-female version.

In fact, I maintain, if a woman can ravish a man, with true passion, in real bad girl fashion, she will never lose that man’s interest. The age of the passive female died with the Victorian era, and history indicates that even then, it was a myth seeped in ignorance. By allowing the man to do all the work, all the time, the sex life of the couple isn’t really a sex life at all. It’s just plain sad. Love ya, Thinkerbelle. Keep ’em coming. Your posts rock.


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