Sex Q&A: She’s So Wrong About This Guy at Work

Pam writes:

I really like this guy at work … and I was pretty sure he liked me. We always took the same lunch break and usually ended up alone together in the lunch room. We always flirted, and I thought things were pretty hot between us, so the other day I suggested getting together outside work, and he started acting really weird. He said he didn’t think of me like that, and now he’s changed his lunchtime, so I hardly see him. How could I be so wrong about this guy liking me as much as I like him? I feel rotten, fat, and totally unattractive, not to mention stupid. What should I do?

Dear Pam,

First, please dispense with any notions as stupidity, or being unattractive. I sense that such assumptions about yourself are not at all true. The realm of human attraction, what draws people to one another, is fraught with enigmas. Despite what social scientists delight in telling us, there are no hard and fast rules that govern such a subjective garden. Trends come and go, certain generalities can be identified, but at the end of the day, mysteries abound. Much of it really does have to do with chemistry — some physical, some ethereal — all very potent.

I feel your approach to this man was very sweet, and indeed, Pam, many men would have certainly been thrilled at the notion of spending time with you away from work. However, this particular gentleman tends to connect with your more masculine attributes. In other words, he is just not sexually attracted to you. It’s simply a matter of biology, and as such, really needs no other explanation.

I do feel you did fine on your approach with this fellow, but take a page from The Players Black Book. Play in numbers. Don’t limit yourself by concentrating on just one potential mate. Open yourself to a few different possibilities at a time, understanding that rejection is part of the game. Getting rejected hurts, and you can certainly complain about it for a bit, but don’t waste your time and energy worrying over it. If you get shot down, get up and get back to business. Whatever you do, don’t let this experience stop you. You’ve spent so much time obsessing over this one man that you have failed to notice others who have shown you extra interest in the past few months. Open your eyes, kid, and get back in the game.

Be well,


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