Sex Q&A: Anything to Be With Him

Sarah Jane writes:

I’m a 38-year-old mother of two, married happily for 10 years … I’m having an affair with a man I met while out with friends at a local club. This man, James, just looks at me, and I want to do whatever he asks of me. I feel like I’ve lost my mind. I make excuses, I lie, I invent stories … anything to be with him, even if just for an hour. I have always considered myself a good person. I go to church and am involved in the PTA. My husband is wonderful. What on earth is wrong with me? How do I stop?

Dear Sarah Jane,

Thank you for sharing this. As I look closer at this situation I find a rabid and brutal quality to this passion you have with James. The scorch of your mutual chemistry has you reeling. It is both dreadful and exhilarating. I sense that he is what your body needs at this time. Resistance will bring nothing but futility and sorrow.

This will not ‘go away’ until the two of you have completed your mating cycle. I see this might take six months, perhaps a year, and then it will die a natural death. In that time, I advise you to find ways to ground yourself to stay as sane as possible until this passion burns out.

I understand your fear of what this may do to your marriage, but I do not see it causing any deep or lasting damage. In fact, it may very well relieve some tension that would otherwise have caused difficulty between you and your husband, as you experience this period of heightened sexuality that he does not share. I sense your husband is a fine fellow in his way, but something of a little boy. He doesn’t need to know about this — in the end, what you learn with James will only benefit your husband later on. Such is the way of things sometimes. Be well and stop worrying.



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