Will Time Heal These Wounds?
Sandra from Sydney asks:
Dear Red, My husband and I are seperated, and he keeps telling me that he needs time. Time for what? I don’t understand. I love my husband very much. Do you see us together again soon?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Being separated from your husband is a painful ordeal that you must endure if you hope to salvage your marriage. You’re not able to understand his request for time, because you aren’t experiencing the same emotional upheaval that he is. It’s not that you aren’t suffering. It’s just that for both of you, your pain is coming from different places and perspectives, even though that pain is directly linked to each other.
Your husband is asking you to give him time and space so that he can sort out his feelings and desires. For him, the separation is necessary. Even though he will admit that he loves you, he isn’t certain that he is still in love with you, and questions whether or not he wants to step back into the marriage and all that it demands. He’s pretty certain that you want things to go back to how they were, but how they were wasn’t working for him. He felt burdened, trapped and as if his life was not his own.
While he does miss you, he is also enjoying his freedom, and not having to report to you or be accountable. But, because he does miss you and still loves you, he hasn’t concluded that divorce is the answer. He still wants more time of separation to process everything he’s feeling and to come to a clear conclusion. He believes he can only do this away from you. Being around you does influence his feeling and decisions, both good and bad, and he wants to make the right choices for himself as well as you.
I know you love your husband and want him to come home and get things back to normal, but this is not going to happen quickly or easily. It’s been a very confusing and painful time for you, and you aren’t able to turn to the person you trust and count on the most to see you through this time, because he is the one who has created the separation. It stinks.
Give your husband the time and space he is asking for. His knowing that you’re wanting and waiting for him to come back is giving him a bit of security. Rather than keep trying to convince him that everything will work out, quietly take a step back and let him figure it out on his own. Focus on your life, as it is now, without him. The more that he sees you’re okay, and the less he thinks you need him, it will be easier for him to recognize the difference between his feelings of love toward you and his feelings of responsibility toward you. With each of you becoming more independent, the love you share will draw the two of you back together, and your marriage will flow more harmoniously than it did before.
It’s going to be a bumpy road, and your patience is going to be tested. Even though you and your husband will talk and spend some time together, clarity will not come and lead him home until the second half of this year.
I wish I had better news for you.
Do you have a question for Red? Ask Red your question now.