Red Responds: Too Much Talking

Anne in Glendale writes:

I thought this man at work really liked me. We were very good friends, and talked a lot at his work station. But then someone reported him and his bosses told him he was spending too much time talking to me. So of course he blames me, and informed me that the talking has to stop. I’m very hurt.

Now I hardly see him, and if we pass one another at work, it’s just a polite hello or a word here and there. It’s been two weeks. I’m heartbroken! I really thought he liked me, and I really miss our talks. (Though he’s never asked me out.) I’m beginning to think now that I exaggerated this all, and that he was just passing time talking to me.

I feel so humiliated that I made a fool of myself over this man. But I have deep feelings for him (and he knows it!). Why do all other psychics tell me he has feelings for me but is hiding it, when he doesn’t call me or make an effort to see me.

Dear Anne,

I know you really miss talking with this guy, and it is a shame that the bond the two of you were creating has been put on ice. But things don’t always go as we’d like them to, nor is everything how it appears.

Your friend did, and does, like you. While he may not be madly in love with you, there is definitely an attraction. However, it was fairly obvious to everyone that there was something going on between the two of you, even though you weren’t essentially doing anything inappropriate or overt. There was just something about the way you were with each other that caused coworkers to draw that conclusion.

He sees his reprimand as a joint responsibility, so he isn’t placing all the blame on you. However, he did feel it necessary to protect his job by letting you know that he can no longer hang out and chat at work. While the communications are limited to a “hi-bye” situation, as time passes, things will become a bit more friendly, but he will continue to hold you at bay.

Your friend isn’t trying to connect with you outside of the workplace because he is rather slow-moving when it comes to such things, and he also has concerns about how it could affect his position, and yours. After all, he has already faced one reprimand because of his interest in you. So he is setting his personal feelings aside, and taking what he believes to be the wisest option. The bottom line is: he needs his job.

There is no need for you to feel foolish or humiliated. Even though he knows you are interested, you didn’t do anything particularly humiliating or foolish. Your feelings are just getting in the way, clouding the bigger picture, and making you feel worse about your honesty than you should.

Everyone is telling you that he has feelings for you because he does. It’s unfortunate that he isn’t acting on them, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Keep your head held high, do your job, and continue on with life. It will get easier, and the pain will fade. There is little else you can do. Eventually, his inactivity with you now will feel like a missed opportunity, and not knowing you better will be one of his regrets.

I’m sorry.

Ext. 9226

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