Red Responds: She Defended Her Decision

Dear Red,

In June, I separated from someone I’m still very much in love with, to pursue a change of career back in my home state. It was an extremely difficult decision, and we both expressed a hope that things would work out so we could be together again.

A month later, she announced that she had someone new moving in. I was crushed, but she defended her decision, and I decided to be a supportive friend if that’s what she needed from me. At that point, she told me that she felt she had made a terrible mistake, but he has nowhere else to go; that she felt lost without me and she felt that I’m her soul mate. Since then she has mostly cut off contact with me, making only very short replies to emails or not replying at all. Is there a future for us as friends or anything else, or is this just her way of fading out of my life?

Eric in Washington

Dear Eric,

Your girl is in a very unhappy and confused state. Because of her own situation, yes, she is fading away from you – for now. She needs to figure some things out inside her own head before she can willingly be a part of your life.

I can feel how deeply you care for and about her. I know you want to be there for her and help her, but this is a process she must go through on her own.

Yes, I do see her in your future as a friend at first with the possibility of more. Here’s where things get a little tricky, though. Because she needs to figure out herself, her heart, and her life – the timeline is contingent on her growth as a person, not the calendar. All I can tell you is that it is a ways down the road; based on how she is presenting right now.

I can see that you are trying to move forward in your life, but you do hold back because of her. She will always hold a place in your heart, as you will hers. But I cannot in good faith advise you to wait around to see what she does and when. She’s missed a couple of opportunities so far to make things more stable between the two of you.

I can tell you that when she is ready, she will come back into your life. Whether to be friends or united lovers will be your decision to make. You’ve honored her, you’ve honored the love that the two of you shared. As painful as it is, the time has come to honor yourself by letting her go.

You’ve endured more than most people would have for the sake of love. While that is gallant, admirable, and speaks volumes about the person you are and the one you will become – it is costing you the present. The future will evolve as it should, it always does; however it is not contingent upon whether or not you are waiting.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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