Brenda in Ballston writes:
My oldest daughter has recently been in contact with her father after 12 years. I thought it wouldn’t bother me emotionally but after reading his letters to her I started to feel those old feelings I had for him. We have written to each other several times but I don’t know what I can believe from him. I want to know if we will see him again and if he will keep his promise about my letters and my current husband won’t find out. I don’t want him to start any trouble.
Your current marriage appears to be stable, and it does not look like your husband will find out about your letters. But, you do need to be careful on how you handle things from this point forward, or things could become more than a little complicated.
It is good that your daughter has reconnected with her father, but you don’t need to be wholly immersed in that connection. You have a new life with a different man, and there really is no going back. Keep yourself, and your feelings, in check – or you will open the doors to mental and emotional trouble. Your current husband isn’t a fool, if you allow yourself to become more deeply involved in contact and fantasy with your ex, your hubby is going to notice that you are acting weird!
The best thing you can do for yourself is to put your time and energy into the areas of your life that matter – your home, family, current marriage. Protect these things, because if you aren’t careful, they can be lost. Your ex is an ex for many reasons, several which you have forgiven or forgotten. The one thing the two of you still have in common is your daughter, so let her be what this relationship is about. As long as you keep from doing anything compromising, nothing can come back and bite you. As for the letters that you’ve already sent, I don’t see your ex using them against you.
Sometimes luck finds us, and other times we create it. Consider yourself lucky so far, and consciously decide to quit tempting fate.
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