Marilyn in Texas writes:
I have recently found my sister who had been missing for many years. She is 12 years younger than I but she is so angry – I guess because she felt like no one cared, but I do. I love her very much but when I call she tells me she does not want to deal with 18 years of crap. Several people in the family have written letters and they have been sent back “return to sender.” However, my letters have not came back so I am hoping she read them. Do you foresee me seeing her anytime soon?
You and your sister will eventually reunite, but it is still going to take her a bit of time to embrace the idea of having family in her life once again.
Your sister does harbor a great deal of resentment towards your family in general. It is going to be many months before she can really process everything and let go of some of her anger. She doesn’t seem to hold you at any heightened level of responsibility, but she isn’t ready to talk with you directly, or see you. She has received your letters, but it doesn’t appear as if she has read all of them yet. She will, though.
Keep sending her the occasional letter, and let her know that you are there. Your sister can be pretty stubborn, so don’t do too much or she will feel like you are trying to push. She really doesn’t want to deal with all the issues of the past, so when you write, keep things light and in the present. When she is ready, she will respond, and the two of you eventually will become friends. You have a lot to learn about one another, and the process will be slow.
Things should start to improve slightly over the summer months, even though she will still be hesitant to see you face-to-face. Her resolve will be breaking down a bit, and I do see that she will call you. Don’t expect too much too quickly, but through occasional phone conversations, eventually plans to get together will be made. I wish I could tell you exactly when you will be seeing your sister, but the best I can get is sometime in the summer of 2010.
Even though your lives have taken the two of you down very separate paths, the bond between sisters will one day prevail.