Red Responds: Will Her Son Come Back?

Ruth in Des Moines, writes:

I have a son who I dearly love who has a health issue, he is confined and refuses to talk to me. My life has been a nightmare for so long I don’t know what to do. Is my son ever going to be in my life again?

Dear Ruth,

Your son is not emotionally in a good place, and that clouds his thinking. Even though you love him dearly, and have tried your best with him, he seems to hold you responsible for many of his issues. He harbors a great deal of resentment and anger, and is effectively punishing you. Whether you believe it or not, he doesn’t actually hate you. This is just his way of dealing, or not dealing, with his own deeper issues.

Even though your heart breaks a little more with every rejection, if you want to reunite with your boy, you have to keep trying. I wish I could tell you that the day will come when you two embrace each other as family again, but the most I am currently seeing is brief and rather quiet visitations. While that may not seem like much, and isn’t what you were hoping to hear, it will still be better than the current situation. It’s a start.

If your son will allow himself to get the help he needs to work through his emotional problems, his view and relationship with you will also improve. You need to prepare yourself for a long road, though, because your son isn’t ready just yet to heal, or forgive. But, don’t lose hope. Just because he’s not ready now doesn’t mean that he’ll never be. It just means that it’s going to take time.

Even though it hurts, don’t give up — and don’t give up on him.

I wish you the best,


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