Red Responds: A Passing Romance?

Jim in Little Rock writes:

I met a woman who worked at the school where my son went to second grade. We became good friends, talked a lot and even kissed. Holding her close felt so right. Even when I controlled myself and didn’t act on it, she would text message me later saying that she wished that I would have. She said that we were soulmates.

When she needed help, she would call me. She lives with this guy but she says only to keep a roof over her and her kid’s heads. In the last two years we haven’t seen each other much or even talked. But when we run across each other or do talk, the feeling is still there. My question is: will anything ever become of our love or is it a passing romance?

Dear Jim,

There does seem to be some chemistry and connection between you and your female friend, but neither one of you are really doing anything to more deeply explore this relationship.

When the two of you met, your friend would find reasons or excuses to be in touch with you, and to bump into you. Then, she was much more open and hopeful that you might be her “Knight in Shining Armor.” At that point, she was very open to the theory of being rescued, and had romantic fantasies of you whisking her away. But you didn’t.

While you see her from time to time in the present and future, your interactions look much more like caring friends than potential lovers. Even though she isn’t head over heels in love with the man she is living with, they do share a fairly strong and stable relationship. She may have initially stayed to keep a roof over her head, but it doesn’t seem like she currently dreads being at home. I don’t see her risking the stability and security she has in the confines of her current relationship. While she will be friendly and flirty, with you and others, it looks like it could be years before she really considers changing relationships or venturing out on her own.

Your friend finds you very attractive, and thinks you are a very nice guy. She definitely considers you as a friend. However, your feelings and fascination with her seem to be stronger than what she feels for you, even though she did once believe you were soulmates. Now, she’s not so sure.

It looks like the opportunity for the two of you to throw your lives into upheaval in order to explore the potential of a relationship has passed. I don’t see either one of you doing anything to change this. So, while each of you does periodically wonder and fantasize about what could have been or what could be, I don’t see the two of you coming together in reality.

I really wish I had better news for you, but I can only tell you what I see. In time, your feelings for her will dim and fade, but she will always be a sweet memory.

Brightest blessings!
Ext. 9226

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