Red Responds: She Can’t Control Her Feelings

Creselda in Cambridge writes:

It’s been almost two years now that me and a colleague at work have been flirting on and off. I know this is not right since we’re both married, but the feelings for each other are so strong. I’m a Scorpio and he is an Aries. Until last August in the park, we had our intimate moments but I was so afraid someone would see us, I didn’t let anything happen except for kisses and hugs. I thought this would really seal our special friendship, but a few weeks after that he seemed distant to me and suspect that he’s flirting with the other girl in the library (younger than me). But it’s just a suspicion.

I missed him so much that this December I took the opportunity to give him a gift. He was so thankful, I guess, that he started kissing me passionately. I can’t forget the heat in his kisses. My husband and I were married for 21 years and we’re so honest with each other, that we tell each other all the things (good or bad) that happen to us and with whom. My husband, since he made so many mistakes against me (womanizing), and since he’s older than me, he came to understand I have some needs also. What I can’t understand is, I was always so upright and decent before, but now I can’t control my feelings for this colleague of mine? Should I continue this affair, knowing my husband doesn’t necessarily disagree with it? Please Red, tell me what to do?

Dear Creselda,

While your husband may not like the fact that you have feelings for another man, he does understand how these things can happen. He is willing to tolerate you exploring your feelings and your co-worker, provided you don’t become so involved that you contemplate leaving the marriage. You are his wife, and he fully expects you to remain with him.

As far as things between you and your co-worker are concerned, you have to accept that there are limitations. The attraction between the two of you is undeniable, but this will never evolve into anything more than an affair. Your feelings for this man are deeper, and hold more expectation, than his toward you. What he feels is excitement and lust. While he cares for you as a person, he views this relationship as one with no strings attached.

Because your marriage is lacking in passion, your desire for your friend is certainly hard to resist. He represents the things that are missing in your marriage. Even though there is a friendship that exists between you and your colleague, you don’t know him as well as you think. You have allowed your attraction and imagination to fill in some blanks, and see him as the person you want him to be. You are confusing infatuation and chemistry with love.

I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. You have to live your life as you see fit. However, whether you continue this affair or bring it to an end, the outcome is still the same. There is no future with your colleague – this isn’t a story with a happy ending, only an ending. Because of that, you need to decide what will be easier on you – if you end it, or if you allow him to end it. You are going to have to work through more pain and confusion either way.

Some things, no matter how fabulous they seem, just aren’t meant to be. I’m sorry if this hurts you, but I do hope it helps you as well.

Ext. 9226

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