Red Responds: She’s Patiently Waiting for Him

Rebecca in Memphis writes:

I left the father of my childern to be with a guy that I dated years ago. We have always had a very strong connection – one that is very hard to explain. The father of my kids has been on drugs his whole life and it was time to end the relationship anyways. So I know that was the best choice to make.

About this other guy, we dated for over a year and it was great. No arguing, it was like a fairy tale. He is currently with another girl and she controls him and I know he is not truly happy. I have heard it all. I was just wondering if we will ever be together. I truly love this man with all my heart and I am not mad or jealous that he is with her. I am waiting patiently. The thing is, he hasn’t contacted me in about two months. Is he scared of the intensity of the relationship?

Dear Rebecca,

Your ex-boyfriend has a pretty strong self-sabotage streak that he feeds on a regular basis. Seems as if that is what he is doing at the moment. In his heart, he knows he is in an unhealthy relationship that isn’t likely to evolve into something better, but he is so immersed that he can’t clearly see what to do about it. So, he is trying to make the best of a bad situation, and part of that choice was to deny himself contact with you. Besides being controlling, his current girlfriend keeps him on a pretty tight leash. Since she isn’t above a little reconnaissance snooping, and he is aware of this, keeping his distance from you makes the most sense to him.

When it comes to relationships, your guy is still learning and exploring. A lot of that has to do with his self-sabotage streak. Unless there is trouble and chaos, he is hesitant to fully trust in the relationship. Thankfully, he will have an epiphany that clarifies to him that it’s okay to be happy. That epiphany is one of the things that will propel him back to you.

Just bide your time, and keep going on about your life. Chances are good that you will hear from him before the end of the year, but it is a singular random attempt of contact, so don’t expect much. The biggest changes around him look as if they will be taking place in the spring. By April 2009 he will have broken free from the control freak, spent some time standing on his own two feet, and finally be making his way back to you with a seriousness and a sense of understanding that you haven’t experienced with him before.

Good luck!
Ext. 9226

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