I have been having a bed buddy situation with a man for over 4 years now and he recently just got married… I am also in a relationship, but I cannot get over this man. We continue to have a physical relationship, and despite how guilty I feel, I cannot stop seeing him — but I WANT to! He is married, and I plan on marrying the man I am with. Do you see me ending this relationship with this bed buddy? Am I strong enough to?
– Kendall in Attleboro
As I sit here being bombarded with your torment, I must tell you that you are asking the wrong questions. I’ll answer the questions you did ask, but I really hope that you will call me, one of the other fabulous 800-Predict psychics, or a licensed therapist to help you explore and understand your self-destructive nature. I’m not trying to hurt you or judge you in any way, but you have a lot of pain that is effecting more than just your romantic life. A clarity and understanding for you can release many of the burdens you carry. Okay, enough of the unsolicited advice, and on to your questions!
First of all, you are in love with your bed-buddy. The physical relationship is all you have to hold on to him, which is why you are having such a hard time bringing it to an end. He cares about you to a certain extent, but his feelings for you do not run as deeply as your do for him. In many ways, you are a friend and a booty-call.
It will be quite difficult for you to bring about the end of this relationship. You know you should end it, but part of you is actually afraid of ending it, because then it would be final and over. The reality of the situation is that the end is coming. If you choose not to muster the strength to end it, which you have in you and are capable of doing, he will. In all honesty, I think it would be much better for you to be the one who closes the door, because if you allow it to go on until he does – well, it’s going to make you feel even worse. Look at being the one to call it off as an empowering challenge and a personal victory. I’m not saying that it will be easy for you, but it is a positive step in taking back control over your life.
Secondly, the man you are currently with loves you with his whole heart. I see that you love him, too. Marriage is huge. It takes a lot of hard work. Part of the marriage contract involves fidelity. If you really want to take that step and build a successful future with this man in the bonds of matrimony, you need to separate yourself from the past. If your intended is not enough incentive to find the strength to end your relationship with your bed-buddy, then you probably shouldn’t be considering getting married in the first place.
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