Rose in Toledo writes:
This has been a really rough year for me. I found out early this year that my husband was having an affair. Despite my best efforts he was too caught up with the other woman to try to reconcile. I have moved on and am dating again, but the man I am seeing has been aloof recently and I worry that once again I am being too patient and understanding and will only be hurt again.
On top of all these worries, I lost my job on Friday, and I now feel like I am lost and cannot find the right path to what will truly make me happy. I am taking courses to put my life on track, but I am unsure if I am headed in the right direction. What will the next few months bring for me?
I really don’t see you as heading in the wrong direction with your life, but you do seem a bit shaky in the knees when it comes to deciding what direction it is you truly want to go. Once you decide that, everything else is very likely to fall into place.
As far as your current relationship is concerned, don’t extend too much energy or patience toward this man. It’s not that he’s a bad fellow, but he also isn’t the one for you. The theory of him is a much better presentation than the reality. While he would never go to great lengths to hurt you, he also isn’t going to go to great lengths to nurture you or ensure your happiness. He is what I commonly refer to as a “time killer” man. In other words, keep things with him light and simple, because he will eventually fade away. Right now he may fill a void, but if you search your heart, you’ll realize that as a long-term choice you would be settling.
I’m sorry that you lost your job. There’s a whole lot of that going on, and it is quite scary. Take this as an opportunity to rest up a bit, and think of what it is you really want to be doing. With the breakdown of your marriage and the loss of your job, you have the freedom to create the life you want, without the restrictions you are used to accommodating and working around. Along with the courses you are taking for direction and spiritual well-being, this is the perfect opportunity to increase your skills and branch out in terms of career. I don’t see you diving into years of college, but I do see you doing some self-educating, and possibly even enrolling for a class or two online. You will be working again before you finish your studies, as you will have a new job just after the turn of the year.
As I said, I don’t see you going down the wrong path. Many of the changes you are going through may seem confusing and negative now, but it is these same things that are forcing you to think outside of the box and redefine your concepts of security. The next couple of months for you seem to be primarily focused on letting go of old concepts and fears, and moving forward into a more peaceful and self-assured state.
It seems as if you are through the major upheavals and less than pleasant surprises. Your love life will remain less than dynamic, but eventually that will blossom, too.