Red Responds: Cautious to Let Her Guard Down

Regina in Hartford writes:

My lover died four months ago, and I haven’t been on a date since. I am still emotionally attached to him, and wonder if I will ever love someone again. I am willing to get to know someone again, but I am cautious to let my guard down, since he had many secrets about himself. Trust is a big issue, but I don’t want to stop living because he has died.

Dear Regina,

You have suffered a huge loss, and it is perfectly natural to allow yourself time to heal and grieve. Even though the last four months have been hard and lonely, four months isn’t an overwhelmingly long period of time. You lost your lover, not your keychain – of course you are going to be emotionally attached to him and his memory. Because of his death, everything has changed.

It would be wise of you to seek out a grief counselor. Not only will this help you to process your lover’s death, but it will also help you to come to terms with all that you have learned since he passed away. You are still in the midst of a hard and painful transition, and right now, dating isn’t necessarily the cure. You are still quite vulnerable and confused, two things that can complicate an already challenging dating world.

Trust is always an issue in relationships, as it is something that needs to be earned rather than blindly given. Before you can trust another man, you must relearn to trust yourself. In time, you will find clarity where currently there is confusion, and joy will replace pain. You will keep living and healing, and eventually will date and find love again.

I’m very sorry for your loss.
Ext. 9226

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