Red Responds: He Has So Many Girlfriends

Nthabiseng in Lesotho writes:

My boyfriend and I had a child in 2006, but the baby died after three weeks. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn’t there for me after I lost our baby. In 2009, we got back together. I really missed him. By then, he had so many girlfriends … I told him to leave them, and he said he wouldn’t because they were there for him when I left him. He loves me and he wants to be with me. I love him so much, but I’m not sure if i should continue with the relationship? I am so lonely in my heart … Please help!

Dear Nthabiseng,

There is a great deal of sorrow that is intertwined with the love that you and your boyfriend share. While each of you deals with your feelings and your shared history to the best of your ability, there is a rather large emotional separation that is overshadowing your relationship.

Even though your boyfriend does love you, he isn’t presenting as being completely dedicated to you, or to healing this relationship. Unless and until that changes, he is going to continue bringing you pain. I know you just want things to go back to the way they were, but I really don’t see that happening. Your boyfriend is firm in his resolve to maintain his other relationships, and will also continue to put his needs and desires before you and your well being.

It’s going to be hard, but you would do better to focus your energy into finding your personal strength and peace. This is something that no man, not even your boyfriend, can give to you. Until you are stronger and more balanced, romantic relationships seem to create more upheaval for you than solace.

I’m sorry that you are so lonely and in so much pain, but it will get better. Even though it is going to take time, you will find peace within yourself, and then love will find you once again.

Brightest blessings,


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