Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about defining exactly what I want from a woman and what I don’t. A big breakthrough for me has been the ability to spot the ones that are bad for me and focus on the ones that are good. Being someone who has overcome the obstacle of always having walls up, I never really figured out how much I cared about someone until now.
My story is like that of many others … I realized once it was too late how much I cared about someone. I found myself in relationships that didn’t make me happy, while I kept those that would have made me happy at bay. An important thing I’ve started to observe is how I do things without thought for someone else and how the little things make me think of them on a daily basis. It was these little observations that made me realize I care about someone and that I am capable of loving someone else — because I realized how much I care for and love myself.
There is someone special in my life that due to timing, we can’t be together. I’m ok with that right now because I see the bigger picture and that what we are doing now is creating a really great friendship, foundation, and trust. This is something that I think tends to get overlooked and why relationships come and relationships go. I find myself in situations when I’m shopping, seeing things and thinking, oh, she would really love that! Or this thing reminds me of the time when we were here or had this certain conversation or joke.
Another thing that made me realize how genuinely I cared for this girl is that I’ve let my walls down effortlessly with her and trust her with personal things and conversations. In the past, it never felt right and I resisted — but learning to realize how healthy that is and how great it is to care about someone, you almost want them to get to know you for who you really are because you know they aren’t judging you.
There’s hundreds of little things that I could cite that have made me realize I care for someone, but the most important is realizing how this person makes me feel and that I feel like I’ve found unconditional love.
5 thoughts on “Tearing Down Emotional Walls”
So sad but so true for many people, not just men. How do we let wonderful people just “Slip through the cracks.” hmmmmm
I will tell you one thing, if you really “get it” during such a loss, you will not miss it THE NEXT TIME the love train comes to town!
Learn from your sorrows and mistakes! Every great president says, “Learn from your past!” Self pitty is not the answer…Please read my piece about being single.
That’s wonderful Joshua! I’m happy that you were able to recognize and tear down your walls!
My last boyfriend had walls so thick and high I’m convinced that no one will ever be able to destroy them -and he refuses to see this so that he can get help. I tried so hard to communicate with him, and all I asked was that he prove his words by putting them to action -this may sound harsh, but really all I wanted was an occasional phone call. Instead, his constant neglect- we even work in the same building and he almost NEVER came to see me on his breaks, AND if I didn’t show up when we had something planned he didn’t even call to make sure I was okay- finally forced me to give up on him because I had to rebuild my own walls to shut out the pain he was causing me. I found out later that he was actually counting the days that I hadn’t called him BUT HE STILL NEVER CALLED ME! Yet when we DID spend time together we got along wonderfully, so I was always confused about how he could disregard me and my feelings so easily? When I left the lines of communication were so destroyed that I didn’t actually tell him I was ending it but I think he knew- he always knew when I was upset but never did anything about it.
So once again I congratulate you on finding the right relationship and TRUSTING in it! -I hope whatever obstacles are in your way resolve themselves in good time and I wish you a true “happily ever after” 🙂
yes I believe that men do not realize what they have lost until it is gone , how sad
It seems that since you’ve learned a bit about yourself through the examination of your feelings that you’ve opened a door to love and appreciation and a different path of approaching it. This is good.
Sometimes certain people feel that if they let a friendship stay for too long without moving into a full blown romance that the window of opportunity will close. You are new at this and if it does happen….fear not, time isn’t wasted and you are learning so much about your own heart and opening up and expanding, I see much happiness and satisfaction in your future with or without this mate your personal growth will provide for a very good partnership. Keep smiling, Rita
Nicely put so many men do this and miss out on great relationships only to figure out later its to late when they wake up ….of course women can act this way too.