Red Responds: Is Marriage Even a Possibility?

Jody in Bountiful writes:

I have been dating a man for more than two years. I adore him but struggle with his lack of commitment…not just to me but to a few other things in his life. I have never enjoyed such an empowering relationship before and he has taught me the most incredible things about myself. He is a single dad with a high maintenance daughter with conflicting feelings about me, and three boys who really love me. I have two children still at home who have accepted him comfortably as part of our life. I feel strongly compelled to be in this relationship but don’t completely trust my instincts. What type of future do you see for us? Will he ever commit his heart to me? Is marriage an eventual possibility?

Dear Jody,

It is amazing how another person can be exactly what we need to better understand ourselves. You’ve come a long way since meeting this fellow, and he will continue to help you to grow. Sometimes there is an upside to frustration! It seems as if when you become frustrated with him and your relationship, you have either an epiphany or discover new depths of determination within yourself.

Your guy doesn’t have a lack of commitment to you, just a fear of formally committing. What you see in him as lack of commitment is just his inability to expand himself. He can be quite the linear thinker, and if everything isn’t perfectly lined up, he steps back, and waits. This guy has some incredible patience in some very strange ways.

Even though he isn’t chomping at the bit to blend families, he does think about it from time to time. In his head, all the kids will be more or less on their own, or at least ready to face the world, before marriage makes sense.

Your relationship with his daughter will improve over time. The girl, quite frankly, can be quite the pain in the butt. She’s not merely high maintenance, but she is also manipulative. Unfortunately, she can, and will, continue to get away with it. The tone of the father-daughter relationship has been established, so don’t expect him to deal with her much differently than what you’ve already experienced.

The two of you seem to have a good connection and relationship – but it moves along at a slower pace. Being married doesn’t always mean commitment, and commitment isn’t always defined by marriage. Try to keep that in the back of your mind, and it may help you navigate through some of the confusion and frustration. Your instincts aren’t leading you astray, the two of you are staying together. Your man may not be ready to marry you now, but eventually the two of you will walk down the aisle.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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