Red Responds: Will This Be a Good Marriage?

Thu in Vietnam writes:

I was born in August 10, 1978, divorced seven months ago after a nine year marriage with a rocker. I am now living with my five year old son (a Leo too) after a hard struggle to gain custody. Ten months ago I met a Taurus, born May 18, 1975. First we got along very well. In him I found love, care and trust that’s difficult to find in any other.

The problem started when we began talking about our wedding. I am renting my apartment and he’s never departed from his family which includes his father, brother and sister-in-law. We cannot move in because they feel very sorry for him that he will marry me – who’s divorced and has a child. I am now working for the US Embassy and earning just enough for my child and myself. He’s a vest tailor without a penny who’s going to open a workshop to start his career. That is if I marry him I would have to support him financially and physically.

But the point is through the situation I got to know that he’s not decisive, consistent and firm. He turns out to be unreliable which is totally opposite of my character. His living sometimes still depends on his brother and sister’s ideas (they are high government officers). I am not sure that he will be successful with such characters. We plan to get married in October. The closer it is to the date, the more nervous I am. Do you think it will be a good marriage? Will he, my son and myself be okay after the wedding? Will I possibly find a better job? And will my fiance be successful with his career? This is my second marriage so I really don’t want to take risks.

Dear Thu,

The love you and your fiancé share is very real, but your relationship does face some significant challenges. Weddings have a way of bringing out the best – and worst – in people. I don’t blame you for being a bit scared about your upcoming nuptials. As a matter of fact, I strongly want to encourage you to discuss postponing your marriage plans with your fiancé. It seems as if the two of you are rushing in.

Unfortunately, your income is not enough to comfortably support the three of you, and start a business. Your fiancé will receive less support from his family after he becomes your husband, and that lack of support will create an additional burden for you, and his business plans. The financial stresses will impact your relationship negatively, and your man is likely to try and run “home.” This is not the best way to enter into a new life.

Your fiancé seems rather accustomed to having a fair amount of support from his family, so he has yet to fully learn how to stand on his own two feet. This man can hardly take care of himself, much less you and your child. In short, if you marry him now, you are headed for disaster.

Postponing your wedding doesn’t mean that you need to break up. It only means that you aren’t ready to take this huge legal gamble in which you bear the majority of responsibility for all the lives involved. It would be much wiser to wait, and allow your fiancé to manifest the dream of his business prior to a legal commitment.
If your fiancé dedicates himself to creating a successful shop, he will achieve a level of success – but not quite as grand as he believes. It will take time to build up the business to a profitable state, but as long as you – or his family – is taking care of him, he comes through as lacking in the necessary drive to achieve ultimate success.

Marriage is more than a union of heart and soul. It is also a partnership that must deal with the mundane realities of life. What I see is not a balanced partnership. While he may make you happy, feel good and believe in love – he fails in the areas of realistic support and obligation. If you want another child to take care of, then have one. If you want your husband to be a partner in love and life, then I would advise you to wait until your fiancé can handle the responsibilities of being the man of the family, instead of just a man.

Good luck,
Ext. 9226

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