Andrea in Beckley writes:
I am in desperate need of some advice. I have gotten on family members nerves already. I’m a 25 year old single mother of a two-year-old. The baby’s father’s name is John. We have had an on and off again relationship for three years. We broke up again four months ago. I want to forget John, but it has been so hard to move on. He had all the qualities I was looking for in a man. I want to stop thinking about him. Am I meant to be with him or just simply wanting what I can’t have? Will there be anyone else in my near future? I really want to complete my family with a husband that I adore.
John may have most of the qualities that you are looking for in a man, but he is currently missing a very important quality that is necessary for you to complete your dream. He doesn’t fully commit. Sure, he’s great when things are good, but he has an inner restlessness and uncertainty about spending eternity with you. It isn’t that you can’t have him, you just can’t have him the way you want him, consistently.
Because you have a child together, you don’t have the luxury of simply forgetting about him and removing him from your life. This does make it more challenging for you to heal, and to free your heart. The two of you will always be connected, and that creates an opening for this off-and-on relationship to ebb and flow on the romantic plane.
I do see that you will marry and have the “complete” family you are longing for, but it isn’t going to come about quickly. There is roughly three years standing between you and a wedding ring. While you may spend some of that time involved with John, he isn’t your future husband. That man has yet to come into your life.
It may help you to look at things a little differently. You were meant to be a mother, and your child’s father happens to be John. That makes you a family, but it doesn’t mean that John was meant to be your life partner. The man you marry will be less selfish – the kind of guy who will love you above all others, stand by your side through thick and thin, and put your happiness and well-being above his own. In him, you will find safety and strength. He is easy to love, and even easier to adore.