Red Responds: She Wants to Know Where They Are Headed

Claire in Tallinn writes:

Five years ago, at the age of 18, I met a friend of a friend at a concert given by his band, which was touring. We hit it off immediately, and the mutual attraction and interest was quite clear. Living in two different countries at that time, we kept in touch for almost two years, meeting only once again in person. The meeting was a shocking, confusing failure for several reasons – and I was very angry.

We didn’t speak again for three years. Recently, he’s been back in touch. We’ve both apologized to each other, and realized we are more mature and are still interested (at being in touch, at least). I have also decided to undertake my Master’s degree a few hours from where he is living. Although this decision has nothing to do with him
directly, he was very happy to hear about this development. He told me we’d finally get to be together on occasion. I was absolutely heartbroken, though, when it fell apart last time. He seemed to have felt the same, which I didn’t know back then. Where are we headed now?

Dear Claire,

The attraction and chemistry you have with this guy is good, and the two of you can get along quite fabulously. However, there are limitations presenting as to just how deeply this relationship can evolve, because you two aren’t on the same page when it comes to relationships and life.

It’s good that you have reconnected, and I do see you guys remaining in touch. While you will get together and hang out in person from time to time, keeping this level of interaction consistent seems to be asking for a bit too much.

Keep your head, and your heart will remain safe – and you will avoid a great deal of heartache and pain. You will have the opportunity for this relationship to become more physically intimate, but if it is a strong relationship you want, skip the benefits and keep things at “friends.”

Sometimes we strongly connect with people who are meant to be in our lives, but only to a certain degree. Even though the undercurrent of romance with this man is there, a lasting romantic union just isn’t meant to be.

Good luck!
Ext. 9226

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