Red Responds: His Father Was a Bad Man

Theresa in Glen Burnie writes:

My son’s father died just before Christmas two years ago. My first thought – when his girlfriend called to tell me he was gone – was that he had been killed. My son, then 10 years old, talked a bit about his father and mentioned that his father was a bad man. My son had had almost no contact with his father until earlier that year when his father decided he wanted to start taking him every other weekend. 

Right before my ex died my son told me that he didn’t want to see his father anymore, or at least only wanted to see him once a month – but he would never tell me why. When I told him how his father had died his first response was ‘You mean they didn’t kill him?’ My ex’s death was determined to be natural causes, however the coroner kept his body for a few more days because she felt that something was suspicious. I think the question was whether the accident led to his death or his death caused the accident. I can’t shake the feeling that others were involved and while they may have not meant to kill him that their actions did lead to his death. I don’t know if this helps but my birthday is 5-18-57, my son’s 5-16-95, and his father’s was 4-19-66.

Dear Theresa,

Your ex may not have made the best or wisest choices in life, but I see nothing that indicates foul play concerning his death. His physical body wasn’t in the best condition, and he wasn’t exactly what I would consider a health-conscious person. He seemed to have several things going on that contributed to his death, but none of them are striking me as outside influences that weren’t genetic or self-induced.

The coroner did keep his body for a bit more research or intensive study, but this did not encompass all the additional days. The coroner’s office can be a very busy place, with many people needing attention, which sometimes leads to delays in releasing remains. Once cause of death is determined and released, it is rarely changed, unless there is reason for a new investigation.

I’m not sure which came first for him – the accident or his death. They do seem to be intertwined, almost simultaneous. But, the bottom line is you can rest easier knowing that nature took it’s course, and there is nothing for you or your son to fear.

For some people, death really is a release. While you and your son will always have mixed emotions regarding the person your ex was, take comfort in knowing that for all screwed-upness in life, death has given him clarity and peace.

I hope this helps.
Ext. 9226

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