Red Responds: Smitten With a Coworker After Her Husband Cheated

Lisa in Scottsdale writes:

I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart for 24 years. Its been a good marriage and we have two great kids. My husband cheated on me six months ago. He has never cheated before and is very remorseful, we are in counseling. This woman sought him out and turned out to be a very low caliber person, involved in drugs and a very promiscuous lifestyle. She later divorced, left her children in another state, etc. We are working through it. Now something confusing has happened to me. I have become very attracted to someone at work. I don’t know if this is as a result of what I’m going through or what is going on. My question is: What do you see happening with me and my husband and is there anything between me and this other person I’ve become so smitten with? Was I supposed to leave my husband and meet this other person or is this a distraction I don’t need? I can’t seem to think straight lately. I really need your insight.

Dear Lisa,


I have to say that very few people can breathe out the phrase “good marriage” and follow it up with “he cheated on me.” But, hold onto that outlook, keep going to counseling and your marriage can be very good, indeed.


You were blindsided, betrayed and badly hurt by the man you trusted above all others. That alone creates tremendous emotional turmoil, and also encourages us to look at life a bit differently. The attraction you have discovered with your co-worker is a direct result of all you have been going through in your marriage since your husband’s affair. If he hadn’t cheated, you never would have looked another man’s way.


What you are feeling for your co-worker isn’t a sign that you were (or are) supposed to leave your husband, it is more of the Universe’s way of saying, “You have a choice.” It is confirmation that should your marriage fall apart, your life will go on, and you can find love again. This doesn’t mean that you have to take that path, only an indication that other paths do exist.


It is going to take time for both you and your husband to heal, and to heal and nurture you marriage. But, you both are working toward the same goal, and neither of you truly wants the marriage to come to an end. Your husband got lost along the way, and acted on it. It’s your turn to experience a similar position. He made his choice, and now it is your turn, but I really don’t see you straying (too) far off the marriage path.


Nothing can screw up an accurate reading or prediction quite like the free-will factor. As people, we have the ability to change our path at any given moment in time, simply by the choices we make. I can tell you that you married the right man, and had the family you were meant to have. I can also tell you it wasn’t part of the “Master Plan” for your husband to cheat on you, but his free-will kicked in, and he did. What you have in front of you is a free-will choice, nothing more – nothing less. But, it is the decisions you make that dictate how the future will unfold.

Good luck!
Ext. 9226

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