Red Responds: He’s Still In Love With His Former Partner

Anthony in Manassas writes:

I am a gay person who is still in love with my former partner. Originally from Long Island, I moved to Virginia in July of 2005 for an employment opportunity. We have had a stormy relationship at times, but I feel that this person is my soulmate. He hasn’t responded to my emails. I haven’t communicated with him for quite sometime because I feel that he doesn’t want to reconnect. I wonder if we ever will? I can’t seem to get over him, even though I have been dating another person.

Dear Anthony,

While I do think you will hear from your former partner, I really don’t want to get your hopes up relative to this relationship.

It appears that you two will share a conversation, following written communication. It looks more like snail-mail than email for the initial contact. The conversation will be fairly light, almost like a courtesy call. It will be relatively brief.

It seems as though your old flame has determined to move on with his life. A slightly guarded and uncomfortable ‘keeping in touch’ relationship is possible, but I don’t see the two of you coming back together or connecting on any real level. And with as much love as you still have for this man, I really want you to prepare for this and be careful.

I honestly don’t know that you will ever “get over” him completely. That’s the down side of truly loving someone. Hope does keep love alive — it gives it power. You are still holding on to hope, even though your logical mind tells you it’s not practical. I could give you a list of reasons why you should let go of your hope and move on, but it’s up to you to decide to actually do it.

As for your soulmate — well, let me just say I don’t think you’ve met him yet. He is out there, and he will find his way to you when the time is right.

Gay or straight — love is love. It brings with it the ultimate joys and highs of life, and leaves an aftermath of pain when it departs.

Brightest Blessings,


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