Red Responds: They Got Caught by His Wife and Mother-in-Law

Dear Red:

I am or was having an affair with a married man and we got caught by his wife and mother-in-law 9 months ago. He still came by to see me and the last time we were together was incredible! Now I am 5 months pregnant with his baby and he does not even know! I have not seen him and he has not stopped by to see me. I have tried to contact him but to no avail. He knows how to get hold of me and he has not even tried. I want him to know, and I don’t want him to think that I was with someone else and this is not his baby. It is his baby and I want to him find out from me. How I should let him know?

– Beverly

Dear Beverly,

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but incredible or not, the last time you were with your lover presents to me as a “good-bye” moment more than a “to-be-continued” moment. I know that has to be very painful to hear, but you need to come to terms with it.

While you and this man shared some powerful moments together and he cared about you, as of right now he is involved with his life and doing what is best for himself, which is why you haven’t heard from him. I’m not getting anything around him that says he’s in the process of leaving his wife, or even thinking about it.

If you really want this man to know about the baby, there is no good or easy way to present this to him. It is really going to catch him off guard, and it’s not coming through as a happy surprise from his perspective. What I see is you literally tracking him down and this conversation will take place face-to-face, in what appears to be a parking lot.

As hurtful as this is going to sound, whether you tell him before or after the baby is born is up to you, but you need to prepare yourself for his denial. I believe DNA testing will be required before he will accept the child as his, and even then there is a sense of disbelief coming from him.

If you were hoping that this baby would bring him closer to you, you are going to be disappointed. What I am seeing at the moment is you raising your baby alone, not the two of you raising the baby together. If you are looking for financial support from him for your child, things are going to have to get legal.

I’m sorry.

Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9224