J.J. from Little Rock writes:
I just can’t seem to get it right. I’m in a so-called relationship with a man who is just way too sensitive. It seems as though, everything I say or do…it’s a reason for him to become angry. Every other weekend, he’s mad about something. I really want to make this work with him, but the behavior that’s being put before me makes me think twice. I don’t want to just give up, but this rollercoaster is driving me nuts! I really need some sort of peace in my life. I have a 19-year-old son that’s headed in the wrong direction. I’m doing my best to guide him. I have a 90-year-old mother that’s in a wheelchair that I provide care for, and to top things off, I need financial structure. With all this said, where do I begin to fix things?
Sometimes the only way to bring order out of chaos is to quit trying to maintain the current level of chaos in your life. Simply put: You need to take care of you. You heard me. Start putting your needs first.
The situation with your mom is what it is. She needs help, and you are the one helping. However, I do believe that if you make a few phone calls you will find that there is some kind of social services type of assistance available that will help you care for your mom. It’s not much, but there is someone out there who can visit and help out with your mom a couple of hours a week. This person may be connected with a church or organization, but it has a government feel to it, which makes me head toward social services. The bottom line is, you can have a couple of “JJ hours,” and it won’t cost you a thing other than filling out paperwork.
Your son does seem like he’s headed for trouble. Problem is, with him being 19, there is only so much you can do. He is going to make his fair share of mistakes, but they are his to make. I see you have a tough time with tough love – partly because you are spinning your wheels, and partly because that approach really doesn’t seem to have the impact or effect on him that would save him from at least a few bad choices. The best thing you can do with and for him is to clearly state your expectations and boundaries – and uphold them. Don’t play into the drama. You’ve got a man-child on your hands. He’s not a bad person, and he does know right from wrong. I do believe he will get it together – it’s just going to be a bit of a rough road between here-and-there.
With everything else you have going on in your life, your so-called relationship isn’t helping. Neither one of you is actually happy in it or with it. I really hate to drop this on you, but I don’t see the two of you staying together much longer. It just isn’t working for either of you. From a psychic perspective, even though his body may be there, it feels like he’s already gone.
As far as your finances go, I was almost afraid to look! Fortunately, while things aren’t great, you will manage to get by. When it comes to money, you need to start being proactive now. Buckle down to a tight budget, save what you can, and do the best you can with what you have. I don’t know what the answer is, but you will have figured it out in July.
For some reason, the first part of this year seems to be all about you learning how to let go. While it has been tough and you aren’t in the clear yet, the second half of the year looks like it’s going to be much better. Sometimes we have to let things fall apart around us, especially when we don’t have the control to stop it. Right now, you don’t have the control, especially when it comes to the people around you. Peace and order will be restored in your life before we enter 2009. In the meantime, just do what you can to simply take care of you… because no one else is. This is all part of a transition that will lead you into better things, and a less chaotic life.
Hang in there!