Red Responds: He Can’t Gauge Hoe She Feels

Confused in San Antonio writes:

A few years ago I met a woman I was attracted to at work. Nothing happened because at the time I was in a relationship and the woman at work was a supervisor. After my relationship fell apart, I moved away to another state and so I finally wrote this woman a letter telling her how I felt about her because I needed to express myself and wanted to let it out. I didn’t hear from her until months later telling me how moved she was by the letter which made her happy when she really needed it.

We have kept in touch via email and letters for over a year. I have moved back to the state where I was living before – not for her but because I preferred being here. I would like, however, to know if she has a romantic interest in me or not because I cannot gauge how she feels. Sometimes she seems interested and sometimes I just don’t know. If she does feel romantically towards me will she ever come full circle with me and be in a relationship with me?


Dear Confused,

I’m afraid that I don’t see this relationship evolving into a romantic relationship.

Your friend does enjoy the communication you share, and is indeed flattered by your affections, but she really can’t see herself pursuing a romance with you. Sure, she thinks about it, and there is some physical attraction from her toward you – but I just don’t see the two of you pulling together to give this a “shot.”

The mixed signals she sends you are just that – mixed. Even if the two of you should date, which is a possibility, all you will get is a solid friendship and more mixed signals on the romantic plane.

I sense absolutely no malice in her – she is not trying to toy with your emotions in any way – she just really doesn’t know what she wants. Because your attraction to her is very strong and very real, I want to urge you to be careful. There are limits with how far this relationship can go.

It does seem like love is on your horizon, with it’s roots in the Internet. I see you meeting someone online who will shift your attentions and affections, possibly even sweeping you off your feet.

Hang in there!
Ext. 9226

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