Sheryl S. writes:
I recently lost my mom to cancer. She was such a huge presence in my life. There was tremendous grief and fear around her passing. I miss her immensely, (her birthday was Christmas Day so the holidays are tough) and yet I look forward to getting on with my life on my own. In a lot of ways my family has held me back. I have a drug addicted brother who struggles to get clean but is a giant drain on the family. I am in a very unusual romantic relationship right now, as well, and I’d like to see a resolution to that and something more stable to come along. I want to leave this town and start over, buy myself my little dream cottage to retire in. Do you see this happening in my future? How can I manifest my goals? Am I on the right track?
I’m very sorry to hear about your mom. There are no words…
The key to your future unfolding as you dream it, is you. So, yes – you are on the right track.
You have some struggles you will have to work your way through, but I see you being successful. You are (very much!) a person who is concerned with hurting others, but you need to learn to include yourself in that theory – a bit more boldly than what you have grown accustomed to. It’s okay to take care of the people you care about, but you have to include yourself in that master plan.
Your love relationship isn’t quite as unusual as you like to see it – just in case you wanted to know. However, you aren’t likely to achieve stability with your current partner – and the resolution you will come to is going your separate ways. It isn’t a bad parting, but I’m not getting a profound sense of closure, either. Sometimes, “over” is all the closure that we get.
Love will find you eventually, but you will find yourself at peace with being alone, even though you aren’t necessarily “alone.” I see you with a man, but this is more of an arrangement than a relationship. It works in most ways, but the day will come when you are ready to be truly alone, and experience that freedom.
When love does find you, it does so in your own backyard. The yard happens to be sand, and it is definitely on a beach. I’m seeing an east coast bungalow – one that needs a little tender loving care, but is structurally sound. You’ll find it and buy it in six years.
The biggest issue for you is going to be setting the boundaries of responsibility, when it comes to your brother. I see that he does try to get it together – he just hasn’t found the strength to keep things rolling on the right track.
Your brother comes through as a shared responsibility, but not necessarily a balanced sense of sharing. I don’t see you as one who would ever abandon him, but you do need to redefine your boundaries and the level of help and financial support you can give him. Tough love may be hard for you and seem cruel to him, but sometimes people have to be forced into taking personal responsibility. Your brother is one such person. It’s such a shame. Seems like he has potential to be a really good guy.
There is a very big difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself. This is a lesson you are looking at, and learning. You can have the life and retirement you dream about – you just have to hold onto your goals, and take it day by day.