Heidi in Park Rapids writes:
My mother and I are estranged going on five years. I know she would like to reconcile, however, I am not sure this is what I want. I would but I feel she will again bring a lot of stress and negativity back into my life. If I don’t reconcile in this life, will we be destined to do it all over again in the next?
You and your mother do have a couple of issues to work through, that’s for sure. But the key words are, “work through.”
While I’m not sure of the when, that seems to be almost entirely in your control, you will once again be on speaking terms with your mother in this life. Things may be easier for you with her held at bay, but part of you does want to have her, at least in a limited capacity, in your world.
She may not be the mother you wish her to be, she does have some problems, but she will be better at respecting at least some of your boundaries, if you give her a chance. I’m not saying that she won’t be overbearing and a pain in the butt at times – from your point of view, she will be. But, she has softened a bit, too.
There is quite a bit of unfinished business between your mom and you, so if you don’t deal with it in this life, you will be challenged with reaching a resolution in another life. Be warned, things could get worse. Some of the challenges you have in this life’s relationship with your mother are past life issues.
When you are ready, I strongly suggest you talk to the woman. If you really feel that talking to your mother is too volatile of an avenue to start with, then write her a letter. Lay out your terms and conditions for a more ideal relationship, and hear her out as well. A compromise can be reached. With some give and take and the clearing up of old hurts, the two of you can build a friendship. Keep in mind, she can only bring the stress and negativity into your life that you allow her to. If things get to be too much for you, you can always terminate the relationship once again, but with the knowledge that you at least tried to make amends. That does help to clear at least some of the karma, and brings you an element of peace. You have an out, if you decide you need one.
Your mom isn’t going to live forever. This isn’t a doom-and-gloom prediction to shake you up or anything, it is just a statement of fact of the natural order of things. If you do nothing in this life, you will regret it. Your heart just isn’t that cold.
You have more to gain by reconciling than you have to lose. Think about it.