Red Responds: Shadowed by His Former Girlfriend

Gina in Manhattan writes:

I am a 27-year-old Libra (10/9/1979) and I was dating a guy(7/11/1982) for about a year. This relationship has been difficult from the start because it has been shadowed by his former girlfriend. She keeps showing up insisting that she is still his girlfriend even though he denies the whole thing. Two weeks ago I confirmed my suspicions by calling his phone and she was at his house. At this point I was furious and ended the whole mess for good. I am wondering if I did the right thing or if I may have overreacted to the situation. I really care about this person but I refuse to be in the middle. Should I believe him or call it quits?


Dear Gina,

If you are looking for a solid relationship that will lead to years of happiness, then you did the right thing by calling it quits with your ex-boyfriend.

I can say that he has been reasonably faithful to you, but he has had some moments in the past with his ex-girlfriend – even though the two of you were “together.” The thing with him is that he wants both of you in his life. He cares about you both.

Unfortunately, I don’t see him redefining his boundaries with his ex to a point that you are comfortable. The woman is still going to be around, and he will not always be honest with you about her presence. Without mutual trust and respect, this relationship is limited.

You have the option of casually dating this guy, but I’m really not seeing the point. There really isn’t a future with him for you, only more pain and aggravation. He just isn’t ready for a responsible and committed relationship if it means making changes or sacrifices in his life.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to cut your losses. Losing your cool when you discovered his ex at his home was simply the confirmation and catalyst you’d been looking for. Even though you care for him, in your heart you’ve known he isn’t “the one.”

It’s time for you to embrace your future and leave him behind to deal with his past.

I hope this helps!
Ext. 9226

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