I’ve been writing now for a while, I hope you will take my question this time. I cannot seem to get over my ex-boyfriend. We were together for nine years and we had many ups and downs, but I loved him tremendously. He was the love of my life. We broke up nearly three years ago (and he is now in another city) and it was the single most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. I cannot move on from it or date anyone else. Whenever I try, I just compare them to him. New guys have come into my life and dumped me too, making matters worse. My self esteem is in the dumps.
My ex and I still talk and email often, and every now and then we see each other. Usually it’s me making the effort. We have been intimate since the break up a few times. I miss him terribly. I cry all the time. Sometimes I miss him so much it feels like I could just die! I know he still cares about me, but I’m afraid to approach him with how I feel and my desire to get back together. We went through an awful lot together, and I blame myself for a lot of what happened, but we were both to blame for the relationship’s demise. What can I do? Will he ever come back? Should I go to him? The longer I wait, the more afraid I am that he will meet someone else. Help!
– Nearly Dying in Lonelyville
Dear Nearly Dying,
I’m sorry it has taken this long to get to your question! As always, when you need answers “now,” you can call 1-800-PREDICT 24/7. If I’m not available, someone else is. The customer service team knows all of us psychics, and does an excellent job of “matchmaking.”
There is still a tremendous connection between you and your ex. I’m picking up on a lot of Karma going on here. While that tends to increase the bond and the emotional aspects, it also usually tends to bring additional obstacles and challenges.
The good news is it looks like there will be another chance for you and your ex in the future, on the romantic level. The bad news is, it’s a ways down the road from you.
The past can’t be changed, and blame does not need to be assessed. Each of you learned many lessons during and from your time together. I know you still love him. There’s no cure for that. Unfortunately, now is not the time for you to lay all of your cards on the table. You are way too vulnerable, and he isn’t at that place in his life where he’s looking for the work and commitment of a serious relationship.
Dealing with the here-and-now aspects of what is going on in your life is where you need to focus your energy. You still have a relationship of sorts with your ex, but it is an imperfect and unbalanced relationship at this time. I’m not saying to drop your contact and efforts with this man, but I do want you to really look at the structure of it, and how it impacts you.
Secondly, I want you to take a good long look in the mirror. Start with your reflection and then go deeper. You are an attractive and amazing person! Give yourself some credit. This is your life. You can beat yourself down, or you can pick yourself up. I vote for the latter, but the choice ultimately is yours.
You really don’t seem to have too much problem attracting people to you. Try seeing what they see. And when this next new guy comes into your life, put away the checklist and get to know him. No one is going to “compare” to your ex. Know that going in. Just because you connect with someone doesn’t mean that you have to consign yourself to falling in love with them and going down the road of happily ever after. It just means you have the opportunity to live, learn, and grow. Be willing to enjoy the moment, for the sake of the moment, and you’ll be a much happier and fulfilled person.
Relationships are a tricky thing on all levels. Timing has a lot more to do with success and failure in the land of relationships than most people realize. This is a major factor with you and your ex. You have a choice. You can actively wait for the right time for the two of you to have a second chance on a firm foundation — putting your life on hold, being lost and lonely, and alienating those who want to be with you. Or, you can passively wait for the right time — cut yourself a break and live each day fully, enjoy what life has to offer, and accept love when it comes your way.