Red Responds: They’re Both Afraid of Commitment

Julie in Blue Springs writes:

I have been dating a man for two years now and am wondering if I am wasting my time. Is this relationship worth keeping together? We are both Scorpios, so the passion is there, but because of bad marriages we are both afraid of commitment. He said he wants to move in with me in two years when his daughter is 18. She has behavior problems which constantly cause issues in our relationship.

I also don’t know if I can fully trust what he tells me about his feelings for me. I met a man the other day who is interested in me, but I told him I am involved with someone else. Am I making a mistake… could this new man be the right one? I am totally confused about my future and wonder if, at 50 years old, I am doomed to live the rest of my life alone. Thanks Red.

Dear Julie,

The relationship you are currently in has it’s good points, and bad ones. While I don’t see you as ready to make any clear-cut decisions right now, I also don’t see you spending the rest of your days with your Scorpio lover. It looks like your patience will thin and your loneliness will grow, bringing about a parting of ways.

Your man is not lying about his feelings toward you, he just isn’t telling you everything. His feelings for you are deeper than what he shows. He does hope to move in with you two years down the road. If you stay with him, he will eventually propose.

The problem is, you are not getting everything you need from this relationship. You can settle for it and it will keep you from being alone, but it will also keep you from finding the relationship your heart yearns for.

The daughter drama is going to wear you down. As unfortunate as it may seem, it will not stop magically on her 18th birthday. This girl will be in her mid-20s before she gets her act together, and Daddy is there for her all the way. I think you already know this, and it really adds to your stress and apprehension about continuing in this relationship.

The man you just turned away is not your soulmate. A relationship with him would be different, but not any better or worse, than your current one. He has his own baggage and quirks that you could adjust to but he is not the answer to your prayers.

I do not see you as “doomed to live the rest of your life alone.” You do have a bit of time to kill -several years – before you meet your match. Not everyone finds their soulmate, but you will find a mate that fills your soul. That is a gift that is much better than merely “good enough.”

Hang in there!
Ext. 9226

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