Red Responds: In Love With Her Best Friend

Dear Red,

I am so confused about my love life–I feel I am in love with my best friend, Kyle, but I also feel a bit ignored and hurt by him. We are not “tied” to each other and have freedom to do what we want, and I have even started talking to someone else, but I told him about Kyle and where my feelings are with him. I don’t know if I should move on or what–how do I know what to do when I am blinded by my own frustrations? I want to run and hide, but I know that’s not good and I have been hiding my hurt with anger. I am so confused.

– Kimm in Jacksonville

Dear Kimm,

I’m sorry to tell you that while you have a great connection and awesome friendship with Kyle, I don’t see it turning into a loving relationship on an elevated level. Your feelings for him run deeper and in a different direction than his feelings for you.

The question you need to ask yourself is can you handle only having the current relationship with Kyle as it is? He is not trying to consciously hurt or ignore you, but he doesn’t share your feelings. Your expectations of him are based on your feelings for him, not the relationship that has already been established.

I do see a time of silence coming up for the two of you, which I think ultimately will be good for you, because it will allow you to heal a bit from feeling a love that is not returned in the manner in which you desire.

It seems to me that it would be easier for you to move on if you cut all ties with Kyle, at least until you come to terms with exactly what this relationship has to offer you. Abiding by the friendship and longing for more doesn’t help you, it just causes you more confusion.

Tell Kyle that you need some time to figure out what you can and can’t handle when it comes to him, because of your feelings for him.

As for yourself, don’t try and rush into love. Love will come when your head and heart are clear. You did the right thing by telling your other friend where you are at emotionally.

Let go of the frustration and confusion. You can’t change Kyle, and there is no point in torturing yourself in trying to figure things out that you already have the answers to. It’s time to just accept. Yes, it’s going to hurt, but you’re already hurting. So, allow yourself to go through the process of loss and pain that leads to healing and peace.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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