Red Responds: She Discovered the Affair

Nicole in Cork writes:

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 7. We have an 8 year old daughter. At the end of January, he walked out on us for the development manager at his company. He didn’t tell me about the affair, where he was going or where he was living for months — until I discovered the relationship. He wants a separation and has completely changed; he does not resemble the person that I married. He has left us with little if any money and my health has been very poor in the last 9 months. He is cold and uncaring; disinterested in my life and my welfare. His company is failing, his sister has recently died. Is this a mid-life crisis? He is 54. Please help!

Dear Nicole,

You’re probably not going to like what I have to tell you, but you need to be prepared. Your husband’s behavior is fairly typical of a traditional midlife crisis, but his personal crisis runs a little deeper. Sadly, the chances of your husband finding his way back to being the man that you married are appearing rather slim.

Your husband honestly wants a separation, and you need to prepare yourself for the day when he informs you that he wants to finalize that separation with a divorce decree. While he doesn’t want to divorce you to marry her, he sees no point in the two of you remaining married. He just doesn’t love you the way he once did, or the way you deserve to be loved. Give him the separation and prepare for an eventual divorce, because fighting to restore your marriage is a battle you aren’t likely to win. As painful as it may be, you really have to start looking at your family as being comprised of you and your daughter.

All of this emotional turmoil is not helping your health; it is actually adding to your struggles and complications. Your husband doesn’t want or wish you to be ill, but he also isn’t going to show you concern or really extend himself to help you. Because of his indifference, you need to look elsewhere for assistantce. Since his business is floundering and failing, you really can’t count on him for much financial support, either. He is his first priority and that doesn’t leave much for you and your daughter.

Things are going to continue to be a bit rough for you for a while, but you will manage. As you regain your health and strength, you will find the energy to independently provide a good life for your daughter and yourself. Eventually, you will remarry, and this man will truly adore you. Your husband will regret his choices, but by the time he clearly sees what he’s left behind, it will be too late. Even though you aren’t a mean or spiteful person, moving forward in your life and finding happiness for yourself quietly doubles as bittersweet revenge.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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