Dee of Virginia Beach writes:
I recently met this young man who’s very attractive and he has a good head on his shoulders. The only problem I have with him is the fact that he’s a “workaholic” so we’re not able to spend much time together. Is he trying to hide something by working so much or is that just in his nature? He doesn’t have any kids (I have a 2-year-old daughter and he’s completely fine with that), but he says that he doesn’t want any kids and he doesn’t want to get married. Could he be in denial about his sexual preference? Oh, I forgot to mention that he’s selfish and he’ll admit it, too. What’s up with this guy?
Some people are pretty much what they appear to be. Your fellow fits into that category. He is a workaholic. Not only does he enjoy it, he enjoys some of the drama it creates. It is his nature. Even though you would like to spend more time with him, as well as grow and expand this relationship, what you want is in conflict with his own life plan.
He is very honest and sincere when he says that he doesn’t want marriage and children. I don’t see that changing soon, if ever. He is okay with your daughter, primarily because she is yours, and your responsibility. Even though he is good with children and does, to a certain degree, enjoy kids, he doesn’t want to raise them.
I see no conflict with this guy when it comes to his sexuality. He is softer and sensual, and he has an experimental side, but he is not bisexual or gay. He does, however, have a sex drive that seems to run in cycles. While that may not be what most people consider typical, it is far from uncommon. Take this relationship at face value. It is enjoyable, but has definitive boundaries. You are not going to change him or his ways of thinking or being. He doesn’t see or feel the need to change.
This relationship can go on as it has, almost indefinitely. If you are looking for a predictable, traditional relationship, you need to accept that you are not going to have it with him.