Helen in Tamarac writes:
I’ve been seeing a married man for 4 years now. I really do love him and believe he loves me (or so he says). It seems I have a real psychic connection with him. Am I being foolish to hang in there for him or should I move on? He tells me all the time how much he wants to be with me but wants to wait a little longer – specifically until his daughter is out on her own.
If you are happy with the terms and boundaries of your current relationship, then do nothing more than what you are. However, if you want a more traditional relationship without restrictions, then you need to seriously think about looking in another direction.
Your guy has the perfect set-up. He has a lovely family and a devoted girlfriend.
I don’t dispute that he truly does care for you, and he does fantasize about being with you. That much is true. What I’m not seeing is him making any moves to change his life; to turn that fantasy into a reality. After his daughter is out on her own, he will have another excuse to stay with his wife.
The truth is, he isn’t entirely unhappy with his marriage. As a matter of fact, even if he doesn’t fully appreciate it, he is comfortable in it. He really doesn’t want to be one of those men responsible for breaking up a family; he doesn’t want to be the “bad guy”.
I know that you have that hope that if you leave, he will follow. While I do see that he would try and win you back, he keeps you confined to mistress position. If not you, then he will find someone else.
Sometimes actions really do speak louder than words. In your case, the lack of action on his part is screaming. Holding on can be very hard, especially when your not being given anything to hold on to.
Don’t look at the last four years as a waste; he was what you needed at the time. Things change, and so have you. I believe you are ready to move forward in your life, but he keeps you standing still.