Red Responds: She Feels Like She’s Stuck In Reverse

Hello Red,

I have had a very difficult year. Since August of last year, I had my heart broken and didn’t receive the promotion I deserved, because my bosses feel that they can’t move me from my current position since no one in the office knows how to do it.

Recently, I found out that the guy who broke my heart is getting married soon. I can confidently say that I am over him, but it’s just not right. I feel like I am stuck in reverse and cannot get out of it. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Thank you,


Dear Zoya,

It looks like you have a pretty good job, and your employers are quite content to keep you exactly where you sit.

If you are willing to put forth some effort, you can change your circumstances. You need to talk to your boss and express your desire to move up within the company. Your presentation needs to come from the angle of what you can do for them, not from the lower side of what they have failed to do for you. If you handle it properly, the first thing they will do is throw a little money at you–a raise to appease you, because they really don’t wish to change your position and the current structure. So, even though a raise is just a small win, it is still a win.

While you are working on positioning yourself to achieve a promotion at your current employers, start looking at other options. Get your resume out there; become active in making changes in your professional life. Your current employer will catch wind of your looking at other options, and consider what can be done to keep you. While I’m not seeing a true promotion so to speak, I am picking up on a title change and some more responsibility for you.

There is also the added bonus that your resume will catch the eye of another company. This puts you in a position to decide if you want to stay where you’re at and accept the offer that will come forth, or to move on in a slightly different direction.

As far as your ex goes, he is moving on with his life. I know that it doesn’t seem fair to you, but it is out of your control. Being “over” him doesn’t mean that you’re not going to feel rather battered over his upcoming wedding–it’s a normal emotional response. It is painful to learn that you’ve been replaced, and quickly. But it is what it is. Your feelings aren’t going to change the situation–you are his past, just as he is yours. Don’t allow yourself to be defined by his life. Don’t take his happiness as a personal insult. It’s just confirmation that he wasn’t the one for you.

Zoya, I know things haven’t been going the way you want them to, life rarely unfolds to our version of the script. Nevertheless, you can change how you handle what is being thrown your way. I feel your frustration, your sadness, and your anger. We all go through periods of depression. You’re in one. Don’t get comfortable there, because it will just hold you where you are.

It’s time for you take a good look at the blessings that surround you and everything that you have, instead of the things that you don’t have. While the last year may look and feel like a bunch of losses, it’s more like a clearing for better things to come.

Brightest Blessings,

Ext. 9226

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